Good Girl Complex Part 7 (From Striving to Sitting With Jesus)

You can be exhausted without ever leaving the couch. That’s the kind of striving we’re talking about today, the hidden inner unrest that keeps so many of us moving, fixing, hosting, over-functioning, and still feeling far from peace. 

We start with real “table talk” about end-of-school-year burnout, the pressure to perform, and how technology turns service into a nonstop stream of work, notifications, and mental load. 

Then we open Scripture and trace Mary and Martha across Luke 10, John 11, and John 12. We look at what Jesus actually says to Martha when she’s anxious and distracted, and why Mary’s posture at His feet is more than a sweet image. 

We connect it to the good girl complex and the lie that says, “The more I do, the more valuable I am,” and we bring in a therapy lens with attachment language: anxious striving to earn love versus secure rest that receives love as a gift. 

John 11 takes it deeper. Jesus delays, Lazarus dies, and both sisters say, “If you had been here…” and still, Jesus stays present. He weeps. He doesn’t rush past grief just because He can fix the problem, and that reshapes how we understand healing, disappointment, and what it means to be held by God in hard feelings. We also talk about what it looks like to invite Jesus into everyday moments when a perfect quiet time isn’t possible, and how to choose the main thing again. 

If this conversation hits home, share it with a friend who’s tired, subscribe so you don’t miss the recap, and leave a review so more women can find a seat at the table. What part of Mary and Martha do you relate to most right now?

Follow along at:

Instagram: @tableofgrace

Facebook: The Table of Grace Podcast

Transcript

Welcome To Table Of Grace

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Table of Grace podcast, where every woman has a seat, every story matters, and Jesus is always at the center. We're here to create space for real conversations and faith-filled stories that help you grow in your walk with Jesus. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and pull up a chair, because at his table, there's always a seat for you.

Tessah 0:31

Welcome back to the Table of Grace podcast. I'm Tessa Lepke with my co-host Courtney Newberry. Hello, hello. And if you're listening to this, you can't see us, but we are both in gold and yellow today. So we did not coordinate that. It just happened. It did happen. Yeah, we were vibing with each other. Yeah, it's the Wednesday happy season. It is. Yeah, we're trying to cheer ourselves up. Um it's been a really long Monday. I mean, it's been a long year and it's May, I don't know. Um for let's jump into a little bit of table talk.

When Striving Sneaks Into Real Life

Tessah 1:04

I know. I'm like, I want to get I'm feeling like Martha today. Um a little cheese into the episode. Um I am her. My dad tells me that all the time. Um, but where have you, Courtney, at your table t this week felt like you've been striving more than you've been sitting?

Courtney 1:24

So the first thing I need to say is I am a great sitter. I really am. Um and I can hold a couch down physically.

Tessah 1:33

Yeah.

Courtney 1:34

Um so I think that there is a difference in striving emotionally and striving physically. Or spiritually, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and emotional and spiritual are those are together to make it. Right. Um, and so I can hold a couch down really well. But internally, it's unrest. Um, like we're in near in the end of a school year. Um any teacher who is listening um or educator um is is so tired and the you know, the state testing is winding down and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and you're trying to get there. Yep. Um, and then you know, Mother's Day weekend was just this past weekend. That's a lot. Yeah, yeah. Well, and I wanted to host at my house. Yep. So uh declined it Saturday morning. Um and that took me a good three hours. Yeah. Um because I don't do it enough. Right. Uh that's kind of I need like a week. Yeah, well I'm gonna have fresh flowers, so I want you know, like it's the little things that matter. And I went in to hosting mode. Yeah. I even tried to find these little sweet Walmart had like these sweet little fancy plates for all. Walmart really has stepped up their game though. Yeah, you have. And they had these for Easter, and I told myself I should have bought them, and I did not buy them because I just didn't buy them. Yeah, and then I wanted them, but all I could find instead was like camping, like camping themed plates right now. I love that. Um, and like I love America, but I wasn't trying to do red, white, and blue popsicles. Right. Like the bomb pops. Yeah, um, those were available. But these sweet little light blue bunnies with the gold scallop trim. You still think about them? Oh yeah, yeah. Well, I had like three left, so I got those out.

Tessah 3:16

Okay, good.

Courtney 3:17

Yeah. So definitely been striving.

Tessah 3:20

Yeah, no, I feel like I'm in full Martha mode in so many different ways, as we'll talk about later this episode.

Courtney 3:27

Well, and we even like before we started, I said, Tessa, do you know that you can look and see how much someone text messages you? Because I don't do social media. Right. Um, and I don't have a Snapchat. Yeah. I'm gonna be 40, whatever. Yeah. And I said, How what was it? Uh I think it was like 500 text messages. You have a lot of messages, I don't know. 700 text messages.

Tessah 3:46

Yeah, it was something, it was something way too many.

Courtney 3:48

Yeah, and it will and it just doesn't even make sense. And that I think I counted like 12 hours I was using my phone to do some sort of work between Chat GPT and um my email. Yeah. Or like our medical records software that we have. Google Calendar. Or my Google Calendar um text message. That's crazy.

Tessah 4:09

That's honestly 12 hours with no social media is actually insane. Like on it. I love it. Right. And so it's like to think about like you're not even scrolling, you're literally working.

Courtney 4:17

No, if I do get on Instagram, and that that's why I don't ever share a lot of stuff from I want to. I tell people about it all the time. Um, but I can't moderate. And so if I get on Instagram, I log on a browser on my phone because then I can't see as much and it's not as user-friendly, and I get frustrated and quit. Yeah, that's Martha. Um, I don't have Facebook. Great boundaries. Um well I have to force myself to, you know. Um it's just all the things and being available. And I think that the modern day Martha has to hold space for how much is technology part of your

Technology And The Modern Martha

Courtney 4:54

service.

Tessah 4:54

Mmm, yeah, that's a that's huge. Yeah, I know in my life that's literally what I do for work. So I have to I have to literally tell myself no, like a lot, like or stop. You know, like it's you're constantly like disciplining yourself to like do the things. Right. I always like always say if someone was in my brain, they would get really scared. Um, because like one part of my brain is going like, like, okay, do this and do that, do that, and the other person's the other part of my brain's like, stop, don't do that. Like, you know, it's like it's like these little this back and forth of or like I don't I get like I always tell people, like I think we've talked about this, Courtney, like when you get on stage and you talk, you're like, you don't seem like you get nervous. I'm like, no, I'm actually internally freaking out inside, yeah. But the other part of my brain is saying, get over it. Step off on stage and do it. Yeah. So which you know, that's probably I should probably go to think.

Courtney 5:43

When I do like public speaking or like education, yeah. And I tell people, hey, my voice is gonna shake for just a minute until I forget that I'm here. Yeah. And I'm into what I'm saying. And then we'll be good. Yeah. But it's gonna shake for a second, so just hold with me. I'm gonna sound like I'm way out of breath. Yes. But it won't last.

Tessah 5:58

Yeah, absolutely. And so, like, that's that's a lot of how I'm wired, I feel like, which maybe more people are than not. But when it comes to like my table this week, I am I think I we talked about this before, but I'm planning like a really big event this summer, and so it's like I'm really mad that I didn't get tickets. Well, you know what? I have one left, so maybe you can. I don't know what I'm gonna need to though. Okay, well, maybe we can work something. Yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Anyways, you might know some people. Um, but it's like crazy. Um, instead of like I have selling like all these vendors all the stuff and stuff, like I like this today. I've almost had like just a straight like panic moment of like, I have so much to do. There's not enough time in the day. How am I gonna get it all done? Which like it always gets done, you know, like, but at the same time, I just felt so like going over this study that we're doing, I like went over it today and was like writing notes and different stuff, and it was honestly like the most peaceful, peaceful part of my day. I'm like, gosh, I need to spend more time doing and then so I feel like that's where I've been lacking, where I was in a really good routine of um waking up, doing my quiet time, and then it's like you it's just like chaos hits, and then it's like goes out the window.

Courtney 7:10

Correct. We don't have help in the morning as well. Right, yes. Yeah, and like when Nick can, he takes marriage to school. Yeah, but that's when I need to do my quiet time when I'm getting done.

Tessah 7:17

Yeah, right.

Courtney 7:18

Because you can't think at the end of the day.

Tessah 7:20

100%. And usually when Jackson, even if Jackson's napping, and my mom's here too, but like usually like when she's here, I'm working and like trying to catch up on stuff. And then when she's not here, when Jackson naps, I'm working and I'm trying to catch up. You know, it's so like it's I have to get into a rhythm where I am doing a quiet time, or I miss out on those on sitting with the Lord. And that goes into what we're gonna talk about today. Yeah. Uh what a great. I feel like I segue a lot better this week. Yeah, you nailed it. Let me stutter. You nailed it. You know, these in your refrigerator long enough. Oh that's so funny. No, I feel that. Um Mary and Martha. Yeah, I think they're a great, I feel like they're a really good two to end on.

Courtney 8:08

I I do too. And like we were talking earlier, um, my takeaway when I was studying that this week was we all have a little Mary and Martha in us, even if we identify with one more than the other.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Yep.

Courtney 8:19

Almost like a continuum or like a spectrum. Like I think that we long to be Mary. There was a if if we're a believer and we love the Lord, like we long to be Mary and to be fully exposed and vulnerable and surrendered at the feet of Jesus. And whatever he puts out in the world, you just soak up and to just

Finding Quiet Time In Chaos

Courtney 8:40

be there and have no reservations and no schedule and no alarm or no calendar, um, no phone, no notifications. But I think that most of us battle this inner Martha and the goal is to be Mary. Yeah, and we long to be Mary, but we don't know how to handle the Martha piece.

Tessah 9:01

Yeah. We don't understand what it looks like. I'm a I'm a practical person. So, like, what does it practically look like to be Martha? And I want to read their story real quick because you know I love the I love that you feel like that is teaching like scripture. Yes, okay. Yeah, I do love it. I love it. But like particular like specifically, I love teaching scripture. Like, if I can teach anything, okay, like I don't put me in the c education system. I don't think I'm made for that. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm I don't especially don't I don't need to teach English ever. Um or like any kind of literacy, like no. I don't I can't even remember what a pronoun it is happening. Um let me find it. Okay. So we're oh I'm hitting my mic. We're gonna hop around. Um this is just the chaos of our day today. Um we're gonna hop around a little bit. We're gonna be in Luke 10, 38, and then we're gonna jump to John, and then we're gonna jump a little into John too. Um, but the first time we see Mary and Martha is in Luke, and it's kind of at the more earlier parts of Jesus' ministry. Um, and it's right after he's actually does the parable of the Good Samaritan. Um, and then we jump into Luke 10 and 38, and it says, Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house, and she had a sister called Mary,

Luke 10 Mary And Martha

Tessah 10:22

who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with with much serving, and she went up to him and said, Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me. But the Lord answered her, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her. And if as a older sister to a younger sister, um my dad often um calls me Martha. And he'll be like Martha, like he'll he can see me, like start spinning, and he's like, Martha. I'm like, okay, dad, calm down. Um, but I can definitely relate. I feel like I have worked through a lot of my Martha-ness. Does that make sense? Yeah. Throughout as I've matured and gotten older, but I still can revert back to that in different scenarios or in like different responses to situations.

Courtney 11:13

When I'm in my Martiness, if we're we're gonna that.

Tessah 11:17

We're making that a word.

Courtney 11:17

Okay. So if I'm in my Martiness, I am also almost in a state of comparison. Oh yeah. I think that and I think that we have to be honest with ourselves in that. Yeah. Um and it in almost a little self-serving, like a little self-oh, for sure, yeah. Um and I can say that because God's really worked with me on some of those things. Yeah. And that when I that is a red flag that I'm headed there. And that my worship and my service is not about to be about the Lord, but about me.

Tessah 11:50

Yeah, what I can do. Yeah, and I think that's so much of what we see just right here in these few verses is such a picture of what we are like what we usually how we respond to God and Jesus and even in the church versus how Jesus wants us to respond to him. And so like I know even for myself, I can catch myself doing a lot for God and not being with him. And I think that's a a challenge that we will probably have our entire lives, like as Christians, and leading into saying like growing and something you're always gonna check in on because we are flesh.

Courtney 12:31

And I I maybe we need to talk more about pride in some episodes. Yeah. Um, because I think that it's the overlooked yeah, you know.

Tessah 12:40

Oh, for sure. I feel like and it's such a root of it. So many, if not all.

Courtney 12:45

Yes, you know? Yeah. And so I think about my struggles and when you know, just like I talked about with Mother's Day, like I wanted the flowers to be. This is this is embarrassing to say, but like it was to the point on Sunday morning that Nick didn't cook breakfast because the stove was clean and he was gonna cook sausage and scramble eggs, and I heard him say to Merritt, I'll cook I'll cook the eggs after lunch because he cooks a bunch and then Merritt eats on them in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

Yeah.

Courtney 13:11

I'll cook the I'll cook them after lunch, buddy.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Yeah.

Courtney 13:14

Because he didn't want to say and he didn't want to hear me Martha him and say, just clean that stove.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Yeah. Just cleaned it.

Courtney 13:21

I feel like heaven forbid I'd be thankful that my husband is helping prep for the wheat. Right. I cleaned the stove.

Tessah 13:27

Yeah.

unknown 13:28

Yeah.

Courtney 13:28

I feel that's when I'm being a Martha.

Tessah 13:31

Yeah. No, fine. I can totally relate. And I think we can easily fall into that because we do like Martha in her like Martha had good intention. Like in her serving the Lord wasn't bad. It wasn't like her positioning and like what she was doing wasn't inherently bad. But like Courtney, we talked about this before, like you mentioned, like her priority was wrong. Right.

Courtney 13:54

Yeah. Well, and I think that if we look at their hearts, they both love the Lord. Um, and I think that Mary was probably more emotionally tuned to Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Yeah.

Courtney 14:04

Um, and some God made some people like that. Yeah. Because there has to be people who feel things deeply.

When Serving Turns Into Comparison

Tessah 14:10

Yeah. They usually have the gift of mercy. Absolutely.

Courtney 14:13

And then there are people who can get things done.

Tessah 14:15

Yeah, for sure.

Courtney 14:16

And it's, you know, a stellar combination when God pairs those spiritual gifts together.

Tessah 14:21

Yeah, for sure.

Courtney 14:22

Um, however, uh they were paired together in a sibling set. And sometimes that stuff has to get worked out. So Jesus doesn't rebuke Mary hard here.

Tessah 14:30

Martha, yeah.

Courtney 14:31

I'm sorry, yeah, Martha.

Tessah 14:33

They're very similar in episode.

Courtney 14:34

Well, and I'm I'm branded. Um He doesn't rebuke her hard. Okay, yeah. He just, hey, let's check in on this. Right. He doesn't meet her um and and criticize her or judge her. He directs her to the purpose and the heart piece of it.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

Yeah.

Courtney 14:53

Because she wasn't looking for the heart piece, she was looking through her eyes and the logic that she had in her brain. Yeah. She wasn't feeling it.

Tessah 15:00

Right.

Courtney 15:01

And that's where he directs her.

Tessah 15:02

Yeah. I love that. And I I think that is a call-in and an invitation that Jesus gives us so often, and we don't slow down enough to accept it or to realize it. Um, and we wonder why we run around so anxious and high strung and overwhelmed. And it's like, when was the last time you sat with Jesus?

Anxiety, Rest, And Nervous Systems

Courtney 15:24

If you manufacture your like emotional behavioral homeostasis up here, high levels of cortisol, need to be moving, need to be shaking, need to be having to do something. If you don't ever let yourself come down and to rest and to relax, then when you don't have it up, you will look for things to create to put you up there because that feels normal. Yeah. I said it feels normal. Yeah. Because that's what you're used to.

Tessah 15:50

Yeah. No, I can I have definitely done that to myself in many seasons of my life.

Courtney 15:55

Um and if you're checking your phone the first thing and then you wake up in the morning, it might be a sign that you need to learn how to rest.

Tessah 16:05

Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. I think that's a good reminder too. Um to yeah, wake up slowly too. Yeah, I think that's something before I had kids, um, I was doing more of because I was working for like working for myself and like could have my nice like slow morning routine, and now I have like feral toddler, which is fine. Like also a blessing, and it's the season. Yeah. And I love it just as much as I love the slow mornings. But uh, if I had to need to have a slow morning, I'd have to wake up with Wyatt at like 4 30. And I don't know if I could buy with I don't know if I would be the best version of myself, you know, if I was up that early. Yeah. Um, I'm just not wired like he is. I can't do it. Um, but I think I loved that Mary in this story, and just in her life, and like what she exemplifies every time she's mentioned in scripture, is this like keeping the main thing the main thing. Like she knew it's like just she had this deep down knowing, okay, this is a messiah. I think she was an empath.

Courtney 17:06

Yeah, had to be that she was or a highly sensitive person, whatever like zygast word, whatever psychology we want to throw on it. Right. That was her.

Tessah 17:15

Yeah. And she, I think at the same time, like knowing the Messiah, she also had a very like even hyper awareness that we see in John 12 when she's anointing Jesus' feet, that he was not gonna be there very long. You know, like he was he she believed what he said. And that's something that even the disciples, the 12, weren't weren't even women getting it. Right. They weren't wrapping their heads around the fact that he was going to die. Like some like it took almost up until he was taken to be crucified that they were like, Oh, this is happening. Um, even up to that point, we I mean, a lot of them had their doubts of like, well, maybe he won't like you know, like I can also can't imagine being in their position, but Mary's faith is so admirable um in

Mary’s Focus On The Main Thing

Tessah 17:58

just how she reacts and walks and sits with Jesus and responds to him in a way that is just so faithful. Um, and I like I admire like I want to be like her, you know.

Courtney 18:08

I want to be able to sit and we all have a desire, I think, yeah, deeply rooted to be Mary, and we all have a Martha fear of what happens when we get there.

Tessah 18:19

Yeah. No, I think that's so true. Um, I think in like relating this to the good girl complex, it looks a lot like um the more I do, the more valuable I am. It's like the lie that you can believe, and like the lie Martha was believing. Um, and we see her living that out where um again, Mary, and you can say this maybe talked a little bit of this in the therapy lens, but like I feel like just from me being an outsider and knowing a very, very minimal amount of like attachment styles, you have like Martha's obviously like an anxious attachment, and whereas like Mary has this like immediate secure attachment to the Messiah. So maybe talk a little bit to that. Like, what does that usually

The Good Girl Complex And Attachment

Tessah 18:59

play out like?

Courtney 18:59

So, like, as far as the anxious attachment, um, there she would need to earn her keep um and her love from Jesus, even though he loved her. We see over and over in scripture that like they the three of them were really part of his family, yeah. Um, and he spent a lot of time with them. So getting things right, performance related, yeah, would cue into some of the anxious attachment, which means that you can be disposable or forgotten.

Tessah 19:26

Um if you don't if you don't do that, yeah.

Courtney 19:29

You think that that's a lie that we believe, right? And as far as secure attachment, I think that Mary understood that her Jesus' love for her wasn't based on her, it just was.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Yeah.

Courtney 19:42

You know, it's not based on how you show up or how you look, it just is because it is.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

Yeah.

Courtney 19:49

And that is a really simplified thing for me to say, but is uh profound, so profound that most of us can't wrap our brain around it. Yeah. But he loves us because he does. Period.

Tessah 20:02

Yeah, but I think we see this in the story of how he wants to meet his daughters in a specific

Cultural Expectations Versus Jesus’ Invitation

Tessah 20:09

way. Um, and what's really cool is that we see uh Mary, I mean, you kind of overlook it, especially looking at through our American lens, you know, we overlook the fact that Mary's sitting there under him, listening to him teach. In that cultural context, most women were not learning under rabbis.

Courtney 20:27

But Martha was actually performing in the cultural lens of what she was supposed to be doing. Right. Um, and Mary actually was breaking rank to sit at his feet, but I think that she was so drawn to him and so needy to him. And I think that Martha had a hard time I don't know, because I don't want to suppose I would imagine if I'm imagining what Martha is feeling, yeah, she is doing what's expected of her. And I think that when we put Jesus in the place of worldly expectations, we're missing out.

Tessah 21:05

Yeah. Yeah. I think yeah, I think that's a perfect picture of this lens because we see so like it just it's so obvious that like obviously looking on the outside in, we weren't in the moment, but like to like what you mentioned, the worldly real expectations of Jesus, or even okay, imagine like what you think, what does the church expect of you? What does God expect of you? Sometimes we create these things in our own brain that aren't even true, and we yeah, we we don't even know what scripture actually

A Marriage Story About Resting

Tessah 21:37

says.

Courtney 21:37

Yeah, I and I like I'm making this face because I have a story and if Nick is listening, I'm real sorry. Um because men also have this performance, yeah. And so when we found out that we were gonna go ahead and have Merit early, because I was having some struggles, yeah. Um that night, you know, I call Nick and I said, Hey I th they wanted me to have the baby today, but I don't have a backpack because that's I'm a procrastinator. I work better under pressure. And also it was early, early. So and Nick starts in you know like man protector mode, right? But we need to do this, we need to get this, we need to get this, and we're sitting on the couch. I am sitting on the couch, and we didn't have a bassinet. Yeah. We didn't have the bassinet, but I mean we didn't have a but together we didn't have one. Yeah. Um and he looks at me as he's rushing around trying to get these things done, and he says, Are you just gonna sit there? And I just looked at him and he goes, How are you not freaking out right now? How are you not nervous? Yeah, and I said, Because God has this. Yeah, and this is the last time that um Luke, my stepson, is uh gonna be an only child. So why don't we go have dinner? Yeah and be together. Yeah. And um, we had no idea that things were gonna go as right as and a few months later, Nick said, I'm really glad that we went and had dinner that night because we missed like three weeks of being at home when we were living in Little Rock. Yeah, yeah. Um, and so Nick was essentially in his Martha-ness. Yes Um, we need to do this, we need to get this taken care of. How come you're not flipping out about this? How come you're not you're just sitting there? How are you so calm? He even said that. Like, how are you so calm? But I was resting in the Lord, and thank the Lord that I was because things got real hairy, right? Yeah, really crazy while there. Um, but yeah, even men have this new oh for sure. If not, maybe even more.

Tessah 23:41

Oh yeah, for sure. I think it just looks different, a different expectation too that they have on them, you know, in so many different aspects, for sure. Um But I think, yeah, we we have to really find ourselves secure in what okay, what does God actually expect of me? Or like what does he what does he say? Like, what is he calling

Who God Calls You To Become

Tessah 24:06

me to do? And I think I love, love, love, love. I don't know if you've read Jim Wilkins in his image. You should definitely read it. I would give you my coffee, but I read it like all the time, so maybe I could just order you one. Um it's so good. Yes, add the Kindle. It's honestly such an easy read, but it's like so it's like just full of so much goodness. But like the first like intro of her book is all about like we are constantly asking, what God, what should I do? What like what do you want me to do? Like, we're constantly asking that question, but like the real question we should be should be asking is who do you want me to become? And it's to be like God. And like it goes through all the attributes, attributes of God, but I think like that's the lens we can see this story in is that Mary wanted to be like Jesus, she wanted to learn under him, she wanted to soak it all in because she believed that who he was is more important than what culture expected her to do. Um, and that like you mentioned with Martha, I think um it's so easy to I mean, which Jesus broke so many cultural barriers anyway, yeah. As he as he does, and um I think it was really bold of Mary to not do what was not help her sister, you know, but at the same time, I think that's where we have to also not get stuck in like what culture wants us to do or how culture wants us or what culture expects us to look like as Christians, you know what? Like even we have to have flexibility and thought, like maybe had to have flexibility and thought to break the cultural norm.

Courtney 25:31

Yeah, Marta also had to have flexibility and thought to ask Jesus to call her out. Yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah. So I mean, we I think that we spend a lot of time thinking we know what we need to be doing. Um and as many times as I've thought what I need to do, it's not what I needed to be doing. Yeah, yeah, we have to do that. I literally told the Lord this morning, I have been standing in your way again. I have been shadowing where your light could be, and I am so sorry for that.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Yeah.

Courtney 26:05

I did it again.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

Because guess what?

Courtney 26:08

It's not the first time. Yeah, I want to tell you it'll be the last. Yeah, probably not, but I won't. Yeah, you know? Yeah. Um I literally was in the bathroom getting dressed or getting my makeup on, and I grabbed the sink and had this like, uh, okay, Holy Spirit moment of I did it again.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Yeah.

Courtney 26:26

And not like in like the Britney Spears way. There was no oops with it. There was like this sorrowful, like cram again.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Right. Yeah.

Courtney 26:35

But I told him I was sorry and I recognized it, and I had a repentant heart.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

Yeah.

Courtney 26:39

And I talked to myself several times today when I wanted to do exactly what I had been doing. Yep. Um, and he reminded me, just be still.

Tessah 26:48

Yeah. Be still. I think uh I don't know if you uh listened to any of the with the Perries podcasts recently.

Courtney 26:56

No, I'm a fan of them, but I have not had a chance. Okay. Remember, I had 755 text messages last week.

Tessah 27:02

That's right. I think you just need a sabbatical so you can catch up on the podcast. I'm just kidding. So if you can't get a hold of Courtney, you know where her phone is. Um, but shit, I think we I don't know if I mentioned this last week or we were talking about it, but Matt Chandler, they had Matt Chandler on. Um, and I can literally can't remember if I said this on the podcast stuff. I did just gonna hear it twice if you were listening last week. It was that good that I want to bring it back up. But um, just kind of like what you're talking about, like being Martha could have easily been a stumbling block for other people that were there. Um, or it could have been a stumbling block for her sister. Like she could have easily drugged Mary out and been like, no, you're gonna help me. This is a good point, and you're not gonna say anything about it because this is what you need to be doing, versus like her, you know, asking, having the conversation with Jesus, and Jesus pretty much calling her out on it. Um, but I think like what they

God Places You To Love Others

Tessah 27:53

were talking about on this podcast was basically Matt Chandler said, God wants to save somebody in your neighborhood because you're there. God wants to save somebody at your job because you're there. And it was just like such a beautiful reminder for me, is like, you're right, like God has placed us where we live locationally, where we're at in our jobs, where we're at in our sphere of influence to share his love, to share the gospel and to share truth and love and grace and light with others. Um, and sometimes we miss out on that because we're too busy striving, we're too busy doing all the things that we're not sitting enough with God to be able to have spend enough time with him that it overflows into the lives of others around us. And that was such a that was so that will be a quote I remember for the rest of my life. You know, like these are the ones you know that you hit that idea.

Courtney 28:47

Yes, what happened for you though in that moment.

Tessah 28:49

It did, yeah. And I am like, I'm gonna never forget that. So thanks, shout out to Matt Chandler. Um, uh, I would love to have you on the podcast. He has a book coming out. Um, anyways, but um I I just love that, and I think that's so such a good reminder that we have people to talk to, relationships to build in order to share Jesus with people. And um, I've just been convicted of that recently, and so like I can definitely in this story relate to doing more than actually sitting with Jesus and from that being overflow of his love through my life for

John 11 Lazarus And Delayed Help

Tessah 29:27

sure. I feel it. Um, we also see Mary and Martha in John 11. This is actually a little bit later in Jesus' ministry, but I if you you probably know the story, if you've been in church.

Courtney 29:41

If not, that's cool because Tessa's gonna give us the rundown.

Tessah 29:43

And if not, you should definitely go read it because it's a pretty cool story. Anyways, it's Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. But if you when you get into the story, you realize that Lazarus is Mary and Martha's brother. Um, and so or maybe yeah, they're their yeah, that that's their brother. I was like, wait, what? Um, and he basically becomes ill and Jesus actually waits to go and see him because like 2020 hindsight we see that Jesus actually raises him from the dead. It's such a cool moment. But in between Jesus arriving to um, I think it was Bethany, yeah. Arriving to Bethany and him raising Lazarus from the dead, he has another encounter with Mary and Martha, and it's actually really interesting to see the difference of Martha's um reactions, and you can see her faith has grown, obviously since spending time with Jesus throughout his ministry. Um yeah, we love it. Absolutely, and um so basically, Jesus and his disciples get to Bethany, Lazarus has already died, um, and Jesus knows that he's about to raise him from the dead.

Courtney 30:51

And he and Lazarus isn't just like kind of dead, like he's like really dead. Like four days dead. Yeah, like they needed to be prepping the body on day three. Yeah. Um, and he Jesus takes his time to get there. Um purpose, yeah. And I think about how I would feel if I'm marrying Martha, and I have faith of knowing what he can do, and I have he's delayed.

Tessah 31:18

Yeah, he feels delayed. He actually intentionally delayed. He did, he was delayed, yeah. It was on purpose. Yeah, and yeah, that's a whole podcast episode, isn't it? Um I think we see, so I was gonna read. Yeah, interrupted. No, you're good. Welcome to my life. Uh we we and you we got we were a little squirrel-ish, it's okay. Um we get so excited. Um so in John 11, 17, now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off. Many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you. Jesus said to her, Your brother will rise again. And Martha said to him, I know that he will rise again in the resurrection of the last day. And Jesus said to her, I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet he shall live again. And every one who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this? And she said to him, Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world. And when she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, The teacher is here and calling for you. When she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. Now Jesus was not yet to come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house consoling her saw Mary rise up and quickly go out, they followed her. Suppose that she was going to the tomb to weep. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he deep he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, Where have you laid him? They said to the Lord. They said to him, Lord, come and see. Jesus wept. Anyways, I loved I love this because we see Martha's faith has grown so much to believe. First off, she confirms that she believes that Jesus is the Christ and the Messiah. Um he also tells her, he doesn't want I am statements, um, which is the second one we've talked about in this um series, the first one being the woman at the well, but he tells her, I am the resurrection and the life. So he confirms this um hope, you know, that even in death, like I there is life and resurrection through me. Um and we obviously see that in our faith, and knowing that like to want to live as Christ dies game, but you know that to be apart from the body is to be with God, as as us who like who believe in Jesus. The scripture game is on point today. Oh, it's the Holy Spirit, because I I don't know. Sometimes I forget what I say until I listen to these back. But um, I I'll just love this so much. And we see Martha's faith has grown so much, but we also see Mary is still at the same posture that she has been throughout the entire mention of her in scripture. Um, and I also love how Jesus this is like the one time in scripture that we see Jesus actually weeps um and he weeps with his daughters. I mean, as of like he's it's like they're these close family members, but also as in his godness too, they're also his daughters, too.

Jesus Weeps And Stays Present

Courtney 34:39

So I think I think we have to pause there for just a second. Because in the good girl complex, one of the things that we've really worked through is how does God respond to the good girl?

SPEAKER_02 34:50

You know?

Courtney 34:50

Yeah, and so they do both say he wouldn't have died.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Yeah.

Courtney 34:54

And they both know that he will rise in the resurrection when Christ comes back. That's that's they're what they're referring to. Yeah, they're not holding space that Jesus is going to raise him right then.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Right.

Courtney 35:06

And so he knows that and he pauses and he in their surrender to I know you're still God and you're still good. I mean paraphrasing. He sits in the emotion with them and he has the emotion, knowing full well he's about to raise him from the dead.

SPEAKER_02 35:23

Yeah.

Courtney 35:24

Because they matter to him.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

Yeah.

Courtney 35:26

And their emotions matter. Yeah. He's not running he's not running in the ship like a Martha. Oh, well, just give me a minute, let me show you what I can do. Right. Or, oh, don't worry about this. Let me knock this off the list, raising from the dead. Because it would have been that simple. Right. He stops and he is present. And so I think that as good girls, we have to remember if we'll stop, he'll be present.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

Yeah.

Courtney 35:51

If we'll even if we can't see what's coming, yeah, or around the corner, if we'll just pause for his presence, he'll be there.

Tessah 36:00

Yeah. That's so good. Uh yeah, I love I feel like this is such a beautiful story of seeing Jesus as 100% man and 100% God. Like it's just this beautiful, uh, just the picture of who he is as the son of God and the son of man at the same time. Like this weeping and this mourning that he has as a human. Um, because his friend also died, you know, like his like a brother to him, right? Yeah. He's he's relating to this emotion and this sorrow, but also in the same sense, he has the ability to raise him from the dead. And so it's it's such an interesting lens on his character.

Courtney 36:38

He doesn't have the feeling. And I think that there's a takeaway in that, yeah. We don't like uncomfortable feelings. We don't like to be sad, we don't want to be disappointed. Yeah, you know, yeah, he doesn't remove that, he has the power, and he doesn't. Yeah, because in the sadness they experience his presence. And I know I keep saying that because I think that I can say it 15 different ways, and some people may be like, oh, what do you know about it? Yeah, it's the pause. Yeah. He lets them have the sadness

Fixing Versus Healing In Faith

Courtney 37:08

because he's about to do something really cool with it. But if he didn't let them have the sadness, then his glory wouldn't have been magnified and his character wouldn't have been on display. Right. And they would not have had the deep uh emotional peace and the in and really the bonding with him because he sat in the sadness with them. Yeah. That's so good. He goes he could have been a fixer, but he was a healer. And there's a difference.

Tessah 37:37

Oh, that's so good. Yeah. Yep. He's definitely that. And I I think that's where we have to remember in the Google complex lens, Jesus doesn't want to just fix us, he wants to heal us. Yeah. And that's deeper than putting a band-aid over a wound. It's okay, look, let's where the wound begin. And I think that's uh such a yeah, it's such a like therapeutic I mean, obviously like stuff that you work with, but I think it's so biblical too. It's like God wants to heal all wounds.

Courtney 38:06

Like theology and therapy overlap all the time.

Tessah 38:09

Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I'll it's it's actually so cool how I feel like it's the more we learn about even psychology, the more we learn about I mean, it's like the more like scripture just like it's proven it to be true. Yeah, like it's just crazy. Like cast all your anxieties onto him because he cares for you.

Courtney 38:26

Yeah, it's a CBT.

Tessah 38:27

Yeah. So it's like, oh wait, scripture's already told us this. It's crazy. It's not modern medicine, it's just modern understanding of scripture. Um, so it's just cool, anyways. But um I I wanted to also, before we finish,

John 12 Mary Anoints Jesus

Tessah 38:41

I wanted to jump to John 12 because this is kind of the last until we actually see them at the tomb. Um, this is actually a a piece of Mary that we see also in a posture that we can also obtain. So, six days before the Passover, so this is like leading into Jesus' death. Um, Jesus therefore came to Bethany where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. So they gave a dinner for him. Martha served. She was still serving. I know. Martha. You know what though? Maybe she had a good heart posture. Um, or maybe she was still struggling. You know what?

Courtney 39:18

Well, and she still could be serving from a position of worship.

Tessah 39:21

Correct, we're gonna hope that she wasn't. Um Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at the table. Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with fragrance and perfume. Um, and we also see where Jesus Gary gets really mad about this and is like, this could be sold for money. Anyways, we obviously know where his heart posture was. Um, but I I love this because we see this posture again from Mary of using this extremely expensive perfume to anoint the feet of Jesus, which is actually anointing him for burial. Because again, like obviously Mary has this hyper sense.

Courtney 39:59

Yeah, yeah. And when he raised Lazarus from the dead, with all the Pharisees and the Jews watching, they knew that that was essentially the j the jeopardy he put himself in. Right, yeah, right. And so like in the humility that would come from that if you were married to Martha and Lazarus, you know, yeah. You did that for me. Right. Like they really get the the prequel of the gospel.

Tessah 40:23

Oh, yeah, for sure. Um, and Mary obviously understands this, and so I had to mention that because it's such a cool anoint, like this cool picture of her um and her character that she just continues to display in her posture towards the Messiah and towards Jesus. Um and yeah, and even like in John 12, 7, he's kind of like right, Lazarus is going at him about, you know, her spending this money and basically saying he's she's wasting it, and Jesus says, Leave her alone so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. For the poor you will always have, but you do not always have me. And so it's that's just a great picture in the um of you know how we should how we should approach the throne and like how we should approach our time with the Lord.

Courtney 41:13

And other people don't get to tell us how to use our time. Yeah. You know, yeah. That was something that Mary discerned in her heart and she knew it, and she anointed him for what was coming. Yeah. And then people tried to reprimand her. Yeah. Um, but we don't we don't we don't get to decide what God's doing in other people's hearts.

Tessah 41:32

Right, yeah.

Courtney 41:34

Um and I'm thankful that she was obedient.

Tessah 41:37

Oh yeah, for sure. She understood. Yeah, she got it, yeah. Yeah, she got it, and she acted on it, you know, and in obedience. And she was, she's we are talking about her today, however many thousand years later, you know, and so like the what a cool um picture. I I think we talked about this before, but if you've never watched The Chosen, I think this is in season four, I think. Season four or five, but the way they display this is such a good, they just do like a such a good job on like displaying the story. Um and it's it's really brings the New Testament a lot. Oh yeah, and it's it's just really cool. I love it. Anyways, go watch it. It's such a good um, such a good series. Um But that is the end of the Good Girl Complex. Is there any other thoughts on I do, I do? Yes, tell us tell us your last thoughts on Mary and Martha.

Shame, Surrender, And Small Invitations

Courtney 42:24

You a question, actually. Yes. I was going to ask, when we look in the context of Mary and Martha, what do you resonate with most that people wouldn't expect you to say as far as the takeaway? Like I think that yes, we are a Martha sometimes. Right, yeah. And for me, it is how often do I miss that internal stir I long to be a Mary, but I will say the internal stirring of being with the Lord is overshadowed by something that is important to me and maybe not to him. Um, and where have I missed places of surrender? And where have you missed places of surrender? Yeah, like me talking about this morning the thing that I was praying over has been going on for six months.

SPEAKER_02 43:15

Yeah.

Courtney 43:15

And here I am today realizing I'm the problem. I don't think I'm the problem. I am the one that is in the way of God.

Tessah 43:25

Yeah. Yeah, I think in like when I look at both of them, I think I I can sometimes get into the cycle of like guilt and shaming myself for not being more like Mary versus getting into the posture of being like Mary.

Courtney 43:42

Well, I think we all ha I think that we all have the Mary within us. We all have the Martha in the movement in between. I really think that this, if we look at this on a spectrum, yeah, it does remove some of the shame. Yeah, but we're capable. It doesn't mean we're not capable, right? Um, and so there's hope in it. Yeah. And we kind of tear down some of the barriers of thinking that we can't worship like that. Um what would you say to someone who maybe listening to this is having that longing and the desire, kind of like we talked about last week, just crawling to Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

Yeah.

Courtney 44:21

And maybe at some point has moved away from that and feels the shame. What would you say to them?

Tessah 44:30

I would say some a really great mentor um a few months ago, uh maybe really even kind of like six months ago, I was struggling in a place similar to that where I was feeling so guilty for my quiet time not looking like it was. You know, I was breastfeeding still, like I had this new baby, I'm a new mom. So many things I was trying to juggle. And I would just shame myself so much for like, oh my gosh, I haven't spent time with the Lord. I just didn't, and she challenged me to just remember that I can invite him into any space that he's in. Um, and that sometimes looked like singing worship songs while I was rocking my baby to sleep, or praying in the midst of a meltdown, you know, or or just literally being in the kitchen washing the dishes and praying and just listening to worship. You know, like the he's he wants to be with us in all these moments. Sometimes we forget to invite him into them. And I would just challenge anyone that's like, I feel like I am burnt out. I'm just going, going, going. I don't have time to sit. I don't have to. You we make time for what we prioritize, um, which is sometimes a hard pill to swallow because I have to do that myself and swallow the pill, you know. And I think like we have to keep eternity in mind. We have to keep the people that are in front of us in mind. Like I mentioned earlier, God wants to save somebody in your life, and because you are there. And if you're in Christ, like he wants to use that to reach other people. And so I think we have to be like Mary and we have to keep the main thing, the main thing. And when we don't, we're gonna get lost, we're gonna get sidetracked, we're gonna constant, we're gonna go to that, you know, lean more towards striving than sitting with him. And there is like God wants us to by faith, we have good works, you know, like we but we have to have the faith first, we have to sit with him, we have to have that, we have to abide with him, we have to we're remain in him, that John 15 language, and we have to from that good works come from that.

Courtney 46:31

And I think that I think the disconnect is sometimes um uh abiding is interpreted as lazy.

What Wounds Keep You From Rest

Courtney 46:39

And I think that sometimes um maybe you have a wound in your childhood where somebody alluded that you were that or you felt that, or you know, maybe you have like a learning disability in school was hard, and then somebody didn't know it, and they called you names or uh you know, attributed something to your character that wasn't accurate. Yeah, and so I think that we also have to hold space for like what wound is is keeping me from the Lord.

Tessah 47:06

It's keeping me from sitting, being okay with sitting with him. Exactly, exactly.

Courtney 47:10

Because remember, he's not the fixer, he's the healer. And if we don't sit with him, then it can be healed.

Tessah 47:17

Yeah, yeah, and we can't heal it ourselves.

Courtney 47:20

No, we're just fixing it too. Yeah, and failing.

Tessah 47:23

Yeah, band-aids over bullet holes, yeah.

Courtney 47:25

It's all over my fingers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tessah 47:28

We have to allow him to heal it. I think that's so good.

Courtney 47:30

Yeah, and I think that sometimes to the ladies out there who when you think about is my Martha spirit stronger than my Mary spirit right now, um your heart hardened. Have you have you had something happen that maybe you know, not saying that you blame God or kind of like Mary, where if you would have been here, this wouldn't have happened. Sister, he was there. Yeah, he was there. He doesn't believe us.

Tessah 47:58

Yeah, he knew. He knew I think that's so good.

Courtney 48:02

And he's he's waiting on you to come to him in in that posture of prayer and surrender and vulnerability because he's got big things that he's gonna do in your life. Yeah, but he can't do them if you're not looking up.

Tessah 48:19

Yeah. So good. Mic drop. I don't want to drop these podcast mics, so they've been good to us. Um, that's so good. I've loved this series. I love this episode, I think

Listener Responses And Series Recap Tease

Tessah 48:31

it was such a good one. Um I want to hear what the favorites were.

Courtney 48:34

Like I wonder for people to tell us.

Tessah 48:36

Yes, yes. Uh send us if you have our numbers, send us a text. If you don't, leave us a message on Instagram or Facebook or however if you have us on I know but Courtney doesn't have Facebook, but if you have me on Facebook.

Courtney 48:48

Like in my mind, I'm like, how can I make a Google survey? Yeah. But I we need Google forms. Yeah.

Tessah 48:53

Um well and we might send one out. That could be fun. Um, I think we would love to know your area. That's fun. I couldn't just show up and talk. Yeah, no, it's good. I need you to show up and talk. Um, I yeah, we would love to know which series, which episode, which part was your favorite.

Courtney 49:08

What resonates with you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, and I think that it's cool if we share it because there's someone else who also had this something similar resonate with them. Yeah. And it reminds us that a we aren't alone because Jesus never leaves us alone. But it also gives us people to do life with.

Tessah 49:24

Yeah. Yeah. So good. So good. So if you send it to us, we will share it anonymously. We won't we won't put your name in there.

Courtney 49:31

But we're not gonna mark the call you out.

Tessah 49:33

No, unless you want us to, then I'll add your name and tag you. But if not, I will not. Um, but we're gonna do the little recap on the next episode of our favorite parts of the Google Complex. So be tuned in to that one because I really want to kind of recap what our favorite parts are, and I don't want to make this episode like an hour and a half long. So we're gonna cut it off, but look for the next episode and we're gonna recap some of our favorite parts of the Google Complex. And we'll see you then. Bye. Bye.