Good Girl Complex Part 4 (The Lie That Her Life Is Better Than Yours)

Comparison doesn’t just steal your joy. It can quietly replace God on the throne of your heart.

We sit down for some honest table talk about what God is doing in our lives, what conviction feels like, and why obedience can make you look a little weird. Then we open Genesis and walk through the messy, human story of Leah and Rachel. Two sisters set up to compete, one husband treated like a measuring stick, and two different insecurities chasing the same false promise: “If I get what she has, I’ll finally be okay.”

Along the way, we connect their rivalry to modern Christian life and the good girl complex: the pressure to prove you’re worthy, the habit of justifying comparison, and the temptation to make a spouse, kids, or approval carry God-sized needs. 

We also talk about the practical way out: choosing connection over competition, getting honest in community, and learning to recognise the Holy Spirit’s nudges through conviction, wise counsel, and confirmed direction.

We end with a bigger lens: Leah and Rachel’s legacy stretches all the way into the story of Israel and the lineage of Jesus, reminding us that God’s plans for us are often larger than what we can see in the middle of a struggle. 

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Transcript

Welcome And Table Talk

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Table of Grace podcast, where every woman has a seat, every story matters, and Jesus is always at the center. We're here to create space for real conversations and faith-filled stories that help you grow in your walk with Jesus. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and pull up a chair, because at his table, there's always a seat for you.

Tessah 0:28

Hi guys, welcome back to the Table of Grace podcast. I am Tessa Lupke and I'm here with my co-host Courtney Newberry. Hello. Courtney, let's talk about, let's do some table talk. And let's talk about maybe what God is doing at your table this week.

Courtney 0:47

How has he showed up? Yeah, how is he showing up this week? Well, I can honestly say that he has been super present at my table. Um, and I have got to see him close doors that need to be closed. Yeah. Um, and hold doors open that need to be held open and work in me. Yeah. And like when things don't make sense, hey, I'm here and the purpose. And I'm really excited to see how like this season of struggle in my life is gonna come forward into like his fulfilled will.

Tessah 1:22

Yeah, it's good.

Courtney 1:22

I love that. What about you?

Tessah 1:24

I feel like uh God's been challenging me a lot.

Courtney 1:27

Oh and we uh I'm getting the peace and you're the challenge. Yes. Okay. Yeah, I feel like I am challenged too, but I'm always challenged.

Tessah 1:35

But I think uh like I don't know, he's also just been breaking my heart for people who don't know him. Oh yeah. Um, and just challenging me in like, how are you evangelizing? How are you sharing your faith? Um, how are you sharing about like God's just saying how are you sharing about me to other people in your life? You know, how are you bringing hope to tell you? How are you bringing me to the table? Yeah, exactly. And so like I've been very challenged by that in a good way, but also um, like I feel like God's just breaking my heart for the lost. Um, but it that also comes with action, you know? You can't once you like have that brokenness, like you can't sit with it, you can't just stew with it. You kind of have to take action. And so I think like my conversations with him has been like, okay, God, how do you want me to who do you want me to talk to? How do you want me to take action in that?

Feeling God’s Nudge And Conviction

Courtney 2:23

I I love this. And so this leads me to another, how do you know or how do how does it feel in your body? So like this is a therapy somatic question, right? How does it feel in your body when God is calling you to do something? How do you know it?

Tessah 2:35

Yeah, I think for me specifically, I also get like constant, I think just constant thoughts, but also like this conviction, this it's like almost like this the spirit putting pressure on me. And not in a bad way, but it's almost it's almost like if you've ever had it, if you've ever had your heart broken, I think that sounds weird, but like my mom calls it a fish hook.

Courtney 3:00

Okay, yes. Like that that God hooks her heart and pulls it's almost like this magnetism pull of like the direction of where you need to be. Yes, she calls it a fish hook. I love that.

Tessah 3:09

Okay, fish hook's good. I can remember that.

Courtney 3:11

Yeah.

Tessah 3:11

Um, but yeah, it's almost like that like pulling of okay, I'm being drawn to this thing, or I'm being like, God won't quit really won't quit bugging. Pesters you won't quit bugging you. The Holy Spirit will pester you. And I can't remember if I had talked even about this on the like first episode we did together co-hosting, but it was very similar with uh when I was asked you to be a co-host for this. I like would just be driving in, God would just be like, You need to text Courtney, you need to text Courtney, and I would just make excuses, like, Courtney is so busy, like, and he'd be go, and how do you know that, Tessa? And I'd be like, I take uh you know, I don't know. I know she's busy, but I know I don't know what her schedule is, and I don't know if she'll say yes or no. So just ask. And so like that was so glad you did. When I was yes, right? I'm so so so.

Courtney 3:55

And I wanted you to, but it's your podcast, so I didn't ever want to be like, Hey. Hello. You know what I mean? So like when I when you did ask me, I was like, okay, Lord, like let's do it.

Tessah 4:05

Let's do it, yeah, it's good. And so I think that that's what that is me. That feels like that. And I do also think a lot of times God has used other people to affirm things in that He has told me to be like, oh, okay. Like I'm that this is not just my own internal thoughts or my own internal. And so I do have to, I feel like there's a lot of discernment and wisdom that you're navigating. This is just like my internal monologue, and a lot of times when I know it's not, it's things that like I could obviously not come up with myself. Um, or again, like having that pool and that like the fish hook of like, oh gosh, God's drawing me to this, or drawing me to be broken about this, or drawing me to contact this person or message this person, or there's literally people I will just be thinking about, and I'm like, yep, I need to reach out to them. I don't know if that's what I'm saying.

Courtney 4:50

Yeah, I don't think that those random thoughts like I'm driving down the road and I'm thinking about someone and nothing triggers me to think about that, then it's the Holy Spirit.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Yeah, for sure.

Courtney 4:59

I will you will never convince me otherwise. Yep. If you get some random rogue text message from me, I am thinking about you, you were on my mind, how are you? Yep, God put you there.

Tessah 5:10

Yep, for sure. Yeah, and I think I'm very thankful for people who uh and other sisters and even like brothers in Christ, like anybody who's obedient that like when they do think about you and they like feel like God's telling you to reach out, feel like, or simply pray for them, like letting that person know. You just don't know what God can do in them in the midst

Obedience That Makes You Look Weird

Tessah 5:29

of that.

Courtney 5:29

Um, or like when God gives you like a sense of urgency to do something, like this is so um we're working on like a conference with together we foster nice um to do like a conference for educators. Oh, because we want to like teach them like hey, relationships matter with kids. Yep, this is what trauma looks like. Hey, you don't forget to take care of yourself. So, like we do this every year. This is gonna be our fourth one this summer. That's good. Um, and I heard a podcast, um, and as soon as I heard the podcast, I was like, Oh, he has to do this with us.

SPEAKER_03 6:00

Yeah.

Courtney 6:00

Um, so I call his daughter and I'm like, hey, do you do you think your dad would do this? And she's like, he's gonna be more likely to say yes if you ask him. And I was like, Do you want to give me his number?

SPEAKER_03 6:09

Yeah.

Courtney 6:10

Um and so like I call him. Like, this is like a bowl. I've never met this man, you know. Yeah, like we know him, or you know, like my in-laws know him and have spent a lot of time with him. Yeah, um, worked with him. But I I don't know him, he's never met me a day in his life. Yeah. And I call him and I tell him I'm this crazy lady on the phone asking him to come do this uncomfortable thing, you know. Yeah, and he's like, send me an email with the details. And so, like in my email, I'm like, the Lord told me that I'm supposed to ask you to do this. Um, and not only did like he say yes, but he's bringing two of his friends with him.

Tessah 6:40

Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah.

Courtney 6:41

See so, you know, it's like God just But I had to look crazy for a minute.

Tessah 6:45

Sometimes, most of the time, I feel crazy when God asks me to do something, and I do it. I'm like, they're either gonna think I'm really weird or it's gonna be a powerful move of the spirit, like you know, one or the other. And you know what? I think a lot of times following Jesus is being okay with being weird and awkward, and because a lot of times God works the best when we are our most humble and he he works a lot through a humble spirit and uh humility, and he you even see him do it that himself. And um I'm super excited about who we're gonna talk about today, or the peoples, the persons, peoples, the people the peoples, the people have spoken. Y'all, if you listened to the last episode, you know that I'll only watch videos in most of my English classes in the witch. So uh y'all don't ever judge me if I don't say something right because it probably isn't right.

Courtney 7:33

Me either. I have no, it's for all the teachers listening, I have no phonemic awareness. Um, I cannot see a word that I've never heard before and pronounce it on my own. Someone has to do it for me.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

Yeah.

Courtney 7:42

And so like Nick and I have like this thing, like, I'll be like, hey, what's that word? Like, will you say it for me? Um, or will you spell it for me? Because I'm a terrible speller. Oh my too. Words have words for days. Right. I can't spell them. And I can't use it until you tell me how to say it.

SPEAKER_03 7:59

Right, yeah.

Courtney 8:00

I don't I like I literally remember my mom when I was learning to read, like she would put cards on a door, and because I wasn't interested in learning to read, I wasn't any good at it. You know, I was a good thing.

Tessah 8:11

You need to go talk to somebody about it.

Courtney 8:12

Yeah, I know, right? I've been in therapy twice. Um, and so I she had me clear the door before I could get a prize, you know, but I had to learn, I had to be motivated. Yeah, because it was hard for me. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how we got here.

Leah And Rachel Story Setup

Tessah 8:24

Speaking of hard things, this this that's there's a lot of hardship that's in this episode today. Uh, we see a lot of things, a lot of that, a lot of hard family issues, a lot of good girl complex, a lot of um back and forth, a lot of issues.

Courtney 8:39

Well, and I think that this obviously there are lots of lenses to look at Leah and Rachel. And we could have looked at them individually.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

Yep.

Courtney 8:48

Because I think that they their own individual stories matter too.

SPEAKER_03 8:51

Yep.

Courtney 8:52

But I think that the thing that resonates with us doing this as a pair and together is A, their sisters. Yep. Um, and they have this proximity of I mean they're married to the same person. Yeah. Um, so they're set up to just compete.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

Yeah.

Courtney 9:09

And I think that there are a lot of families, um, friendships where they just by the nature of like what the family does, or uh people being in the flesh compare and contrast. Yep. You know? Yeah. Um and so I think that it's really important that we take a look at this, um, how it gets sideways, um, the good girl complex of who sets the standard, right?

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Yeah.

Courtney 9:35

That they're measuring themselves with. Um and spending time looking at how it's different but the same. Yeah, that's good.

Tessah 9:44

That's really good. And uh, I want to give us a little bit of context here, because we are still in Genesis. We will probably be moving out of Genesis um next the next episode we do for this. So hold on, because there's so much goodness in this story that we can learn from. Um, but I kind of want to set the scene of where we're at in scripture and where we're at in the story of Leah and Rachel. So you might be like, you maybe have never heard of Leah and Rachel in the story in scripture. Um, but when we uh go a few chapters past Abraham and um we see Isaac, you know, his promised son, he gets married, um, he has twin sons, and this is where we see Jacob and Esau come into the picture. Um Jacob and Esau are the twins of Rebecca. Yep, Rebecca and Isaac.

Courtney 10:34

And we skipped Rebecca because she's got some similarities with some other folks.

Tessah 10:38

Correct.

Courtney 10:39

And she was, yeah, she had her own issues. So Leah and Rachel are the nieces to Rebecca. Correct.

Tessah 10:46

Yes, so there's a lot of interfamily marriage here. We're populating the earth. You know. Uh, anyways. But uh basically, I'll skip through a lot of Jacob's story. But if you know the name Jacob, it's also his name, but which we also see in scripture means deceiver, and he does a lot of deceiving. He does a lot of mischievous. He does a lot of mischievous stuff. He actually basically tricks his older brother into giving him his birthright over a bowl of soup. Really crazy. Go back and read in Genesis, I think it's Genesis maybe 26, yeah, 26 is no, like 27, um, around that area. Just read into that, and you'll get a lot of this context. But basically, um, Jacob gets in a lot of trouble because Esau's really mad at him, because like, you know, whatever, uh, he has his own birthright, and then Jacob also tricks his father into blessing him, which was supposed to be Esau's blessing. And so Jacob's just Jacob's taking care of Jacob. Yeah, right. He's very, like, he's taking care of himself. And his mom helps him to take care of himself. Correct. Rebecca definitely enables him to do all these things. And so basically, Esau kind of wants to kill him. And so Rebecca's like, hey, you know what, Jacob, how about you go to my brother, um, Laban, and go to like his basically to live with him and and maybe marry a wife of his, you know, whatever, to marry one of his kids, basically. And so that's the kind of where we see the story kind of kick off on what we're gonna be talking about today. And so Jacob basically uh goes to uh the land in which his mother sent him to like find uh his uncle Laban, pretty much. Um he's trying to find them, and then you know, Rachel actually pops up on the scene and he's like, Oh my gosh, who is this?

Courtney 12:30

Yes, and he kisses her. Yes, yeah. He's like Who's this random man kissing me? Right. I wonder if that was her thought or if that's you know Yeah.

Tessah 12:39

And so he they he love at first sight. Yeah, really though. I mean, yeah, we see it almost a hallmark moment.

Courtney 12:45

And she's beautiful, yeah.

Tessah 12:46

She's beautiful, and so Jacob does find and he figures out, oh, Rachel is actually Laban's daughter. Oh my gosh, this is crazy. I'm gonna marry her. And again, Laba is Laba, Lord. Butchering this. Laban is Rebecca's brother, so this is it perfect. This is like family reunited, we're gonna marry these kids, and like this is exactly what Rebecca wanted for Jacob. And so Jacob basically goes and asks Laban for Rachel's hand in marriage, and Laban goes, well, like, what about seven years of working for me, and then you can move her.

Courtney 13:21

What do I get out of this?

Tessah 13:22

Right. So Laban's also a thing about Laban. Yeah.

Courtney 13:24

Shastiness in the family. We're a shasty family.

Tessah 13:27

Yes, yeah. There's a lot of there's a lot of stuff going on here. And so Laban also had two daughters. Rachel was the youngest, and Leah is the oldest daughter of Laban. So um, all these things, Jacob works, he's seven years um for Laban, but he it also says in scripture that he counted it as like days because he loved her so much that it didn't even feel like any time had passed. He was like, I'm gonna work for Rachel, I don't care. Like, I love her, I want her to be my wife. And so finally, obviously, if you know anything about um the context of the times that they were living in, a wedding feast was like seven days, it was a week, it was like a big thing. It's a very serious party. They're probably probably drinking a lot of wine, um, obviously, because Jacob gets tricked by Laban, and Laban swaps out Rachel for Leah, which Leah's not as beautiful, right? Leah it says she has eyes that were weak. We don't really I don't need a dive. Okay, you did? Okay.

Courtney 14:19

So and some people were like, it meant that her eyes didn't sparkle like Rachel's did. Some of the commentary, some of it was like she like couldn't see.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Yeah.

Courtney 14:28

Um I I think that it probably was her eyes didn't it didn't do to him what Rachel's did. Um she was more plain looking. Yeah. Um she did not have the beauty, and I think that you can you know the eyes are the window to somebody's soul. Right. Um, and I think that Rachel, as we see, is like a spunk and kind of feisty. Yeah. Um, and if you are like Jacob, that would have attracted you because it would have been fun.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Yeah.

Courtney 14:57

You know, just like choosing like our words now. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I think that Leah probably was more of love me.

Tessah 15:04

Yeah, right. And needy. Yeah, for sure. We see we definitely see that throughout the story too. And so Jacob gets tricked. Laban swaps out Jacob thinks he's marrying Rachel, right, at this marriage feast. And I guess it was dark. I don't know. And Laban basically switches out Leah, and Jacob ends up basically sleeping with her and like, you know, consummating the wrong sister. Correct. And so Jacob is obviously mad. He probably wakes up and he's like, What in the world? Can you imagine? This is like, if y'all think the Old Testament, Old Testament is like reality TV, honestly. Um, we're like, yeah, reality TV has nothing on the Old Testament. These people, these things never happened and we're crazy. Um and so Laby basically is like, well, like, you know, in our country, we're supposed to get the first one first. And like, he's very manipulative, obviously. And then we see um So it's like finish the week. Yeah, finish the wedding week, finish the feast. And then you can have Rachel.

Courtney 15:59

But then But you still owe me seven years.

Tessah 16:01

Still owe me seven years. But yeah, now you need to work another seven years. You can still have Rachel as your wife, but you're still gonna be, you know, working for me another seven years. So he ends up now, he has two wives. Mm-hmm. And he doesn't really one he wants and one he doesn't, one is chosen and one is not. Correct. And so this is where we kind of see the introduction to Leah and Rachel and their stories and how they react and the situations and kind of how they have a good girl comp complex in a way, but also are extremely competitive with each

When Your Spouse Becomes Your God

Tessah 16:34

other. And yeah, like you mentioned, a really good thing is that they make Jacob their God.

Courtney 16:39

They do. Jacob becomes their god from a different lens. Yes. You know, um, I think that the wound is the same, I'm not secure, make me okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

Right.

Courtney 16:46

So, like instead of like turning that to God, they turn it to their husband.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Yep.

Courtney 16:50

Um, and we see that Leah wants to be loved and to feel loved, and she wants Jacob to meet that need. Yeah, and then Rachel wants to matter and to be important and to be chosen because she has children and relies on Jacob to meet that need. And neither one of them take it to God.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Right, yeah, yeah.

Courtney 17:09

And so he becomes this measuring stick, and I think earlier, like I talked about how like they're one of them's measured in inches and one's measured in centimeters, like they're not even like standardizing what they're doing. Yeah, um, and I think that we can get so lost in looking at someone else's blessing or someone else's um struggle, even that we we miss out on connection. Yeah, they're sisters. Now I am an only child. Um, so I think that you probably can speak better to like the opportunity of like what a relationship with a sister could be.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

Yeah, for sure.

Courtney 17:44

Um but this one is just a constant like one up, one up, one up.

Tessah 17:51

Competition constantly, yeah.

Courtney 17:52

Absolutely, yeah, really toxic competition and lose sight of God in it.

Tessah 17:56

Yeah, oh for sure. And I think what's interesting too is throughout their story, they the only time they do go to God is they're asking him for something. They're asking him, okay, God, give me another son. Give me another. And so to a little bit of even more context, we see barreness show up again, but Rachel is barren. Rachel cannot have children. And we see like basically Leah's pretty fertile. Leah's very fertile. And so Leah starts popping out kids like one after the other, hoping that Jacob will love her.

Courtney 18:24

Yeah, like let me give you a child, love me. Yeah, let me give you a child, love me. Let me give you a child, love me. And like it, she even, and I this is where I did my little bookmark here. Yeah. Um hang on a minute. She even like names them that from that perspective. Yeah. So like her first child is Reuben, and she said, For the Lord has surely looked on my affliction, now therefore my husband will love me. Yeah, that's what she says after she has her first kid. Like, she God gave me this, so my husband will love me. Not God gave me this because he loves me or he wants a relationship with me, but he gave me this, so my husband will love me, right? Um, and then we see that she has another son. Um, because the Lord has heard and I am unloved, therefore he has given me this son also. Right? And so then we get to third kid, you know, and she says, Now this time my husband will become attached to me because I have borne him three sons. And when we get to the fourth one, she says, and now I will praise the Lord.

Tessah 19:22

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and then she stopped marrying the kids after that. Um and then this is where it gets so crazy. So Rachel and Leah start they so Leah obviously gets to a place where she stops having kids. Like she can't have any more kids. Um or like Well and then it's like pretty much every year she has like she's obviously not having kids anymore for some reason. Um, and then Rachel, we see in Genesis 30, Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children and she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, give me give me children or I shall die. What a bold statement. Yeah.

Courtney 19:55

She probably felt that though, you know. I do. I think there was this in deep desperation. Yeah. Um, and I think that Rachel probably, and like I'm I'm not supposing up on the text, this is just like my thoughts. So take them or leave them. Yeah. I think that she was so used to being beautiful, and I think that she was so used to having the things that she wanted, and she was so chosen and admired by Jacob that the only need she had was for children.

SPEAKER_03 20:22

Yeah.

Courtney 20:23

And she relied on Jacob instead of the Lord.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Yeah.

Courtney 20:27

He be in both Leah and Rachel, we see Jacob, their partner, become their their their spouse become the source of fulfillment. And I think we have to pause.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

Yeah.

Courtney 20:41

Because I know I have been guilty of this. Like how I mean, I went to therapy for this, yeah. Like, I cannot be my husband's Holy Spirit and he can't be mine. Yeah. And I can't let him be the God of my life. I can love him and I can appreciate him and respect him, but at the end of the day, he's he can't be my God. Right. And when we put our relationships with our significant others in a place where that becomes on the throne instead of the Lord God Almighty, we struggle.

Tessah 21:17

Yeah, because we're human.

Courtney 21:19

There is always a fall.

Tessah 21:20

Yes, and we're gonna disappoint each other. You know, like we we cannot measure up anyway.

Courtney 21:25

Well, and then my relationship with the Lord is completely different than Nick's relationship with the Lord, as it should be.

Tessah 21:30

Yeah, yeah. It's so they're both so unique. And um I think we talked about this prior to the episode too, but like I I feel like me and Wyatt dated for a long time before we got married. We got started dating like 15. So yeah, we waited a long time until we got married. Um, but um we I I started doing that very early on, and it almost is like it's almost natural. Like within our flesh should do that. Thanks, Eve. Um yeah, for real. And so it's actually, I think, almost unnatural to not do that. To instead play. Place God on the throne of your heart versus I mean whether it's a marriage or something else, but I think relationally we want we can we can see talk to see like have like and love this person that's in front of us and it's harder to do that with God sometimes. Um He doesn't feel tangible because we're not seeking it, right? Correct. And so um I was telling Courtney like how I did that a lot in dating, and there was a moment in my like walk with God that's a huge part of my testimony too, where I had to get to a point of like this rock bottom of because I idolized my relationship with White so much, and also just like stuck in this terrible toxic comparison cycle of like I don't feel seen or I don't feel like God sees me. I feel like everyone else, like I was in college at the time, I feel like everybody else was out living their like big old fun college experience, and I was working in ministry, scrubbing toilets, you know, like it just felt very I felt very unseen, and not that I was, I was not unseen, I just felt that way. Well, because it's your measuring stick. Correct, yes. And so um I had to get to a point where like I s I had to make the main thing the main thing, and I had to realize like if everything was taken away from me, I still had the Lord.

Courtney 23:13

Oh yeah. I mean, like I called up a wedding to get there, you know, and I mean they're and I'm so glad. Yeah, I'm so glad that God brought that that sin to the surface because I wasn't ready to be wife.

Tessah 23:25

Oh yeah, yeah.

Courtney 23:26

I think a lot of us are from like Nick's perspective, like he I mean, I imagine that would have felt like a whole lot of pressure.

Tessah 23:33

Oh, a whole lot of pressure, and I think um yeah, I think what when we uh do that, uh we honestly kind of give the enemy a foothold in our marriages to make a lot of mess. Yeah, we leave a window open. Right. And so when we don't make God number one in our minds and our hearts, in our marriages, in our relationships, in every area of our life, like there's always a you know, there's always a window open. Like we have to be and it's a discipline, you know, it is a choice.

Courtney 24:06

I was just fixing to say it's still something that I have to pay attention to now. Yeah, and uh uh news flash second layer with merit.

Tessah 24:12

Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, kids 100% can do that for sure. Um and I think like diving back into their story, it is very obvious that Leah and Rachel sadly struggle so much with this as with their kids, with her husband.

Choosing Connection Over Comparison

Courtney 24:29

I I I I do wonder, and like you can give me some insight into this, what would their story obviously it wasn't their story, but what do you think their story would have looked like for people who are listening that maybe you're maybe a modern day Leah and Rachel and their sisters and in this stage of like constant comparison of look at their house, look at their car, look at their job. Like can you speak a little about like just the gift of connection? Yeah. And like being present in the struggles and the celebrations.

Tessah 25:01

Yeah, yeah. I think that's so powerful because I I mean, even in like the people I know, I know there's so many people that struggle with this, whether it's the they're the reciproc reciprocate uh or their recipient. Recipient, yeah, I got the words. Um Thank the Lord I'm not doing this by myself. That'd be embarrassing. Um whether they're like receiving that criticism or that comparison and like someone's comparing their life to theirs, and there's a lot of pressure there, or it's the other way around. I think a lot of times when we it just all boils down to like it's a heart condition. It's like what your relationship with the Lord, it's a mirror of constant things in our lives. But I think when we instead um, there's like a little bug fly, some fruit fly fly. Um get behind me, Satan. Um I I think a lot of times we uh get so stuck in the comparison cyc comparison cycle. Um, whether that's I mean, me working in social media, I can see it happen. It's something I have to fight against all of the time. I do not have social media. Yeah, right. Yeah, lucky you. Um count yourself as blessed. But um, I think uh a lot of times we get stuck in this comparison cycle where when we are constantly when we're not seeking community and connection, we miss out on knowing these people.

Courtney 26:18

Community alone.

Tessah 26:19

No, yeah, and like if like the more I'm in room with other women and being vulnerable and honest and transparent about things I'm struggling with, the more I can get they are probably going, you oh, me too. Or like, oh, we all are struggling with something. We all have our things that we're struggling with, we all have our faults, we're all in need deeply in need of a savior. And we can kind of start going, why am I why are we comparing our lives to each other? You know, and like why are we doing that?

Courtney 26:44

And so I tell you a story and like you can totally edit it out if you don't think it needs to be in there. Um, do you remember the first time you met me? Because I remember the first time we met you in. Oh man. I remember the first time you came into life for okay.

Tessah 26:55

I think I do. Yes. It's it would I remember the room we were in. Okay. I was probably super nervous though, because I was like, oh gosh.

Courtney 27:01

Well, okay, so I'm gonna tell you the story, all right. Okay, I'm sorry. I remember we were sitting like against the back wall, and you came in and you had on like this cute little dress and you were super cute and had your hair done and all the things, and I was like, Oh man, she's really cute. And then you know, like I feel that on the inside, you know, because like I'm a woman, it doesn't matter if I'm sitting in church or not. Like Satan will do what he does. A hundred percent. And then you start talking, and I'm like, man, she's really smart. And I'm like, is she smarter than me?

unknown 27:24

No.

Courtney 27:25

And I'm like, probably not. She, she, she, she's good. Oh my gosh, she walks with the Lord, and then I start looking at myself, and so like I immediately fall into this comparison, like defensive space of like, yeah, I like her. And uh, I'm so glad that I didn't, you know, obviously stay there. That was the thought that happened in that moment.

Tessah 27:45

But doesn't that happen to I that happens to be all the time?

Courtney 27:48

Same. Yeah, and and and the reason I tell that story is because sometimes it stops there and you make a decision about somebody based on your own insecurities, and I could have done that that day. Yeah. I'm so glad I didn't.

Tessah 28:00

Me too. I'm happy you didn't either because I was probably going through my own mess, you know, and like sometimes y'all weren't married yet. Okay, yeah. We were okay. We were about to we were just about to get married then. Yeah. Oh yeah. So I was I was in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very chaotic season of my life. I did not like my job. I was like not, I was struggling. I was going through.

Courtney 28:18

Yeah, and I had no idea. I just saw this really well put together, polished person who said all these amazing things, and I was like, oh man.

Tessah 28:25

Yeah, yeah. And you don't know, like I think that's so that's so important. It's like I actually someone that I remember in college specifically, uh, is like wanting to l live the life that Lisa Tier Kirst lived and just be like, man, I want to be her when I grow up. You know, like you see this people be like, I want to be her, and then I start hearing about and then you see all the things that she's walked through in her story, and I'm like, ooh, I don't want to be her. I don't want to be her, and not the way of like, oh my gosh, God's used her so much, and she's a phenomenal theologian and teacher. It's we don't we only can sometimes see the front of the side.

Courtney 29:01

We don't see the not removing you from the circumstances where you're trying to figure it out and God's making you like him. Right, yeah. And I think that's we don't get hard pressed because we wake up with our hair done. You know what I mean?

Tessah 29:10

Like, yeah. I totally I think and I think in light of that story and like the story of Leah and Rachel too, is like we can compare and f and I mean defend our comparisons, right? Defend the oh well da-da-da-da-da, or like she's doing this, or like why can't I have that? And like and justify it. And I think there's we really shouldn't be justifying comparison. You know, if you find yourself doing that, let's really back it up, call it. Call it a good question, yeah.

Courtney 29:39

What what part of my struggle is making me feel like I need to measure myself against somebody else? Because here's the thing yeah, God had an intent and purpose for Rachel and for Leah, and it was not the same. Yeah, he did not want to use them the same, yeah. Their story was not the same, yeah. Their children had different places in scripture, yep. In the history of Israel, right, yeah, in the lineage of Jesus, yeah. Like we he had a story and each of them had importance and it looked different. Yeah, but we don't get to decide what God's call is for us and how he wants to use us or how he views

Your Legacy Is Bigger Than Today

Courtney 30:18

us as important.

Tessah 30:19

I love that you said that too, because that as you were saying this, it makes me also remember, man, if Leah and Rachel would have grasped what God wanted to do with them. Yeah, if they would have grasped how big their legacy how big their legacy was, they birthed the twelve tribes of Israel.

Courtney 30:36

Absolutely.

Tessah 30:37

You know, like they we see this, I mean, all the way to Revelation.

Courtney 30:42

You know, we see this, we see the context of their imprint on humanity, yeah, and they're worried about who had more babies, who had them first, and if my husband was with me last night or my husband was with my sister. But how often or their maidservants? Or their maidservants, yes. So yeah. I know that that sounds really strange. That the main thing was not the main thing. Yeah. And really, and like I hadn't thought about this till just now, we see like a lot of like idolizing of the self. And so I think that I'm gonna say something hard when I'm gonna say it, and I can say it because I struggle with it. Yeah. When you see yourself comparing, I think that that's a really good indicator of hey, am I idolizing myself a little more than what God really uh stepped back?

SPEAKER_03 31:23

Yeah.

Courtney 31:24

Who's on the throne here? Right.

Tessah 31:25

Yeah, and yeah, sit down. I yeah, a hundred percent. I can totally agree with that. I yeah, I think a lot of times we can, yeah, a hundred percent idol ourself. And I think we see that so much in the story too. Um, of what the of them doing that, but also like a lot of times we can be so self-focused, like going off of that, that we miss out on like wow, what God wants to do with my life is so much bigger than me. It's it's it's so much bigger than what I can like even probably imagine, like the impact we can have through how God wants to use us through our legacy, through our children, through our impact, through just being obedient and showing up.

Courtney 32:11

Well, and I think that we'll we'll get to heaven someday and we will understand how God used us in an impactful way, or we missed an opportunity for impact in ways that we would never we'll never know or decide.

Tessah 32:23

Yeah, for sure. We won't know until we get yeah, we get there and we get to yeah, get to experience that. And I think that a lot of times we have to that's also having that eternity mindset that Rachel and Leah definitely were not having. They were very much in the buried into their circumstances, but I think that's so human.

Courtney 32:41

Like we all struggle with that, we all struggle in the flesh, we all have experienced it from time to time, and um we Yeah, I think it's like we have like this false sense of like love or respect or appreciation, fill in the blank, like it it runs out, like it's got some sort of tap, yeah. And when it's empty, it's gone. Yep, but it doesn't. Yep. Like who who made that up? Right. Yeah. But it's an internal it's a manifestation of an internal struggle that we put on external pieces of our world that were never meant to be there.

Tessah 33:14

Yeah, yeah. That's good. I think in kind of like how we see their story in a way kind of end, um, Rachel finally does have a son. So again, uh we didn't we kind of miss I missed this part of like the recap, but Leah and Rachel, we do see them competing to have children. However, Rachel is barren, and so she tries the old trick that her, you know, family members have done, um, or that we see earlier on in scripture, and she gives her maidservant to Jacob um to try to conceive children through that, which they do. And then Leah starts giving her maidservants to Jacob to uh have children through. And so we have this like it's not just Leah and Rachel, it's like Leah, Rachel, and their maidservants. It's like crazy. Sure. I don't know how Jacob's keeping up with all this. Well, I don't ever want to be I mean, this is like Sister Wives TLC, you know what I'm saying? Like, yes. Like this is not good.

Courtney 34:06

I I I I think that you know, like looking at God's response, remember we said their struggle was independent and significant to each of them. So like Leah's God's response to Leah is he sees her and he blesses her.

SPEAKER_03 34:19

Yep.

Courtney 34:20

And then God's response to Rachel is he leaves her in it, and then he hears her. Yeah. But she has to wait.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Yeah.

Courtney 34:30

And just like in some of our other stories that we've talked about, sometimes that waiting is where the sanctification happens. And it's an opportunity to learn. We don't see in scripture where that is actually said.

SPEAKER_03 34:41

Yeah.

Courtney 34:42

Um, but we also know that God's character is the same. And so if he leaves us in seasons, sometimes we have to still choose to be sanctified and allow him to do the work.

Tessah 34:51

And he's sovereign in that too. Like, and he's so sovereign in the timing that he does things. We actually see Rachel does eventually bear a child herself, and it's Joseph. And if you know anything about the story of Joseph, it is pivotal in God's story for his people, and they're and he eventually in their place that they end up. Um, and just like the direction of his promise in Joseph is actually uh a lot of his life is also a picture of Christ, and it's actually really cool when you start looking and digging into it. Um, and then Rachel also bores Benjamin and then dies in childbirth, which is terribly a terrible ending to the story in a way. Um uh and what actually ends up being something she's so obsessed with and actually ends up killing her, it's a really terrible irony there.

Courtney 35:38

She gives herself to it.

Tessah 35:39

Yeah, yeah, she goes all in for sure. And so uh we see like that kind of being the ending of that story, but their story, like what we mentioned, doesn't just end with like their battles for kids or having enough sons or like what all this stuff. We actually see God use their legacy and use their children in big ways. Um that we get grafted into his family, we are actually impacted by Rachel Leah, like literally, yeah. So uh if you look at the lineage of Jesus, um Judah, who is uh Leah's like fourth or fifth son, is actually uh in the lineage of Jesus. So like when um Jacob is blessing all of his sons, he has a specific blessing on Judah, which is interesting. You'll have to you have to go back and read the story because it's so good. Um, but basically um talks about a lion coming from Judah, which is like actually prophetic to Christ. Um, but yeah, Judah what Leah's son is actually the one that is in the lineage of Christ, not Rachel's, so isn't that interesting? Um and so anyways, you it that's a lot of Bible literacy, I feel like, for the day, but um it just all that to summarize that like we don't know the impact in which our obedience or disobedience will have and and and I and I and circling back to um that we can compare and contrast our lives with other people, but isn't that kind of like saying, Hey God, the plans you have for me aren't the the aren't I don't want them like it's almost like a sense of like rejection um of the Lord and what he calls for you.

Courtney 37:18

Right. I know better. Yeah, and Satan Satan wants us confused about that because if we're focused on someone else's struggle or yeah, exactly. It's something else that God has called for someone else, we will miss what God's called us to do, and then we aren't fulfilling God's will.

Tessah 37:35

Yeah. I think I also saw somewhere, I don't know if it was on Instagram or whatever, but it was somewhere something that like it was so profound, and I'm probably gonna butcher it, but it was something like you're comparing where you are where no, you're comparing where God has you to where the enemy has someone else. And it was taught kind of just like the lines of just because someone is successful or someone's doing something better than you, or someone you're comparing yourself to someone that the devil might be working in their life. It might not even be God, you know? And so I think that was I I remember reading that, be like, ooh, wow, isn't that so true? Yeah. Um and but we don't get to see who's behind the curtain. Right, yeah. And so I think it's that's where to just trust and run your race. Yeah. Yeah, run your own race. God's got specific calling to specific um specific things for each of us to do. Um and I think that's seek connection instead of comparison. Yes, I think yeah. And that's just yeah. And I think I if I could go, I wish I could go back and tell Rachel and Leah, man, y'all are focusing on the wrong stuff. Like you're you're thinking too small. You know, like you're you're you're not seeing what God's wanting to do. The wrong person on the throne. Yeah. So good. Any last thoughts on this episode, Courtney?

Courtney 38:54

No, I think that I think that we I want people to walk away from hearing this episode in a knowing that God can have someone uh in a struggle and it looked like it's the same struggle from like the outside looking in, it looks like this is a child struggle. But this is not a child struggle. This is a need for security, this is a need for placement. This is a need to be seen and to be known and to be loved. Yeah, and God does that. Yeah, but they were running it through the wrong lanes, yeah. They were running it through lanes that were never going to satisfy the need.

Tessah 39:31

Yeah, yeah, they were making their husband their god. Two different ways. Yep, right?

Courtney 39:36

Like we see Leah have children and she still feels empty, and we see Rachel have everything that Leah wants and she still feels empty because she doesn't have children. Yeah, but it's not a the children are the thing that we get stuck on, it's not about the children, yeah, it's about the who's fulfilling who. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And we can't expect people to fulfill God-sized places.

Tessah 40:00

Yeah, that's so true. Yeah. Make the main thing the main thing. That's right. So

Share Follow Review And Closing

Tessah 40:05

true. Well, guys, I hope you enjoyed that episode. I have just been really loving the Good Girl Complex series. I think it's been so powerful. I've learned a lot. I feel like God's revealed a lot. It humbled me in a lot of ways too. Um, and so I'm excited to see where we go next. Uh we're we have another episode coming up, and we'll still be continuing the series. Um, and if you enjoy this episode or have liked this series, feel free to share it with a friend. Um, follow us on Instagram at Table of Grace and on Facebook at the Table of Grace Podcast. And if you like this episode, leave us a review. We want to hear from you. Yes. Let us know how you like it, or if you don't like it, or if you want another topic, we'll we'll take into consideration. Uh, but we'll see you guys on the next episode.