Good Girl Complex Part 2 (What Happens When We Try To Control The Narrative)

Some of the hardest faith battles don’t look like rebellion, they look like responsibility. When you’re capable, busy, and used to handling life, “I’ll do it myself” can sound normal… until you realize you’re trying to outrun God’s timing. 

That’s why Sarah’s story in Genesis still feels so personal, especially for women carrying the pressure of being a “good girl” who is not supposed to doubt.

We talk about Sarah as the Mother of Faith and the parts of her story we often skip: the ache of infertility, the long wait for a promise, the powerlessness of feeling like a passenger in your own life, and the moment her unbelief leaks out in laughter. We connect her choices to the good girl complex patterns so many of us know well: controlling the narrative, hiding the struggle, intellectualizing pain, and believing we have to earn God’s favor. Along the way, we ask the question God asks Sarah: Is anything too big for the Lord?

We reflect on seasons when doors close, when life feels out of control, and when faith becomes a whole-body experience of peace that surpasses understanding. Most of all, we hold tight to the hope Sarah’s life proves: your worst decision cannot cancel God’s promise, and His character does not change because you’re still growing.

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Transcript

Welcome And Mom Brain Confessions

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Table of Grace podcast, where every woman has a seat, every story matters, and Jesus is always at the center. We're here to create space for real conversations and faith-filled stories that help you grow in your walk with Jesus. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and pull up a chair, because at his table, there's always a seat for you.

Tessah 0:29

Welcome back to the Table of Grace podcast. I am here with my co-host, Courtney Newberry. Hello. I'm Tessa Lupke. I should have led with that. Don't forget yourself. I might, I might actually, on accident, mom brain is really real. It does happen. It's very, yeah, it's very real.

Courtney 0:46

Do you know that when um you are pregnant that your brain goes through like a pruning process?

Tessah 0:52

Really?

Courtney 0:52

Mm-hmm. So it can hold on to essentially the mo the important things that can, you know, like help life be and grow and sustain. Um, and so that's like mumbrain is real, like it's a real scientific thing that happens.

Tessah 1:06

I feel like I love that for sure. I once put um pet carpet cleaner in my dishwasher.

Courtney 1:13

I love pet.

Tessah 1:14

And didn't realize it until weeks after. And Wyatt goes, why does the sweet tea taste weird? Oh. Yeah, we were drinking out of the stuff. Yeah. Yeah, we probably were like poison control. Yeah. Call them like, is this okay for us to ingest? Because we literally all ate it. Um, I actually didn't realize that I did it until I was about to do it again. And I looked at the bottle and I was like, This isn't this is pet carpet. This is not new. This is not, this is not dishwashing. So this is for my carpet. That was me. Yeah. Yeah. That was really bad. Um, how has your table been this week? Yeah, my table, it's been full.

Courtney 1:56

That's good. It's been full, and you know, like we had Easter and um got to spend time just really remembering the why. Yeah, um and Merritt is definitely getting

Busy Weeks And Doing It All

Courtney 2:10

older and he's funny, and I am in the thick of figuring out how to still be like a present mom and cook dinner, but then still feel like I've accomplished what I need to accomplish. You know, I don't know. I feel like that the way that I push myself to be and to exist um is sometimes unrealistic.

Tessah 2:34

Oh yeah.

Courtney 2:35

Yeah.

Tessah 2:35

Yeah. Totally feel that.

Courtney 2:36

Um and then I'm putting the carpet pet carpet cleaner in the dishwasher, you know.

Tessah 2:41

And everybody's eating like not the right kind of soap. Yeah, it's the same way. I love that you brought up Easter because I feel like I'm also in like a weird season of life where I don't like, what day is it? I don't know. Yeah. And so like I forgot that we even had I like I remember like, yes, we did all the Easter stuff, but like that was last weekend? Yeah, it seems like it was a long time ago. It does feel like a very long time ago, but it was literally last weekend. It's been the longest week ever. Yes, it's been a very long week. But good stuff. I was telling Courtney before this, like it's just been like the busiest week, but like good a good week, but just like go, go, go, go, go every day, doing something different, chasing Jackson around, trying to get work done, like doing all the things and a juggling match of some all the stuff. We imagine you guys feel the same way, right? A hundred percent, yeah. Yeah, we are all juggling, usually like a thousand different things. Yeah, and it's a lot.

Courtney 3:29

Well, and I I think that we want to manage a lot of things, you know, because we are pretty capable, yeah, and have had some success at being capable, and it tricks us into thinking, I'll just do it myself.

Tessah 3:44

Oh, well, this actually perfectly goes into who we're gonna talk about today. Lock off with that there. Didn't what a transition, Courtney. That was impressive. I'm impressed.

Courtney 3:52

I didn't even chat GPT that that was on me.

Tessah 3:54

All the brain. I'll all all the things. Yeah, that's actually I love that. Um, and if you don't know who we're talking about, we're gonna go into Sarah this week. Um, and what's really funny is Courtney was like, should we hit Sarah?

Courtney 4:08

Yeah, should we not? We don't know. I'm not proud of this because she is the mother of faith. And so obviously I was having a week last week too. So when we finished recording last week, you know, in the Good Girl series, we were talking about where we want to go next. Um, and I I tell Tess I was like, Everyone's gonna expect us to do Sarah. Right next. Like they're gonna think, and what if people don't listen because they're just like expecting us to do Sarah? Yeah. Um, and let me tell you if God didn't get all over me this week about Sarah and understanding myself through the lens of her life, yeah, um, and how some of my good girl complex struggles align perfectly with hers. Yeah, in a way that I never thought that they had.

Tessah 4:56

Yeah, and what's so cool about scripture too is like I feel like I've read

Why Sarah Still Hits Home

Tessah 5:00

that story over and over and over again, and I learned something new about myself, about God, about them, and like the the legacy that and the even the like how they walked with God and how they did different things, how they messed up. I feel like I learned something new every time I reread it. And so it's so good, but I love the story of Abraham and Sarah. Courtney, I was like, Courtney, listen, we have to do Sarah and like I love Abraham and Sarah.

Courtney 5:25

And she looks at me and she says, We can't not do Sarah. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, we'll do Sarah. And I'm so glad that we're doing Sarah to go.

Tessah 5:33

And you learn we've learned so much, and we're gonna share all the things that we've learned and all the ways that um Sarah had a good girl complex, and God still was faithful to her. And there's so many beautiful parts of her story that we can relate to. Um and not some not some really great parts of our story that we might exactly be in the same yeah, but I think that we can assume that situational feelings can um transpire from her struggles in our current struggles.

Courtney 6:03

Like I know that there are people listening who've probably had to move before.

Tessah 6:08

Yeah.

Courtney 6:08

And I might have had a hard time planting down roots as you were moving, and maybe you feel like you're always moving, you know, every two years. Like I think about like like coaches' wives, and yeah, give them a minute and they're headed somewhere else, you know. And um, I had a one of the a previous coach's wife in one of my D groups, and she just like leaned into like, hey, we this is what we do, this is how we pack a house, this is you know, and like she just followed and went where he went, and they had like this really great, amazing marriage, and this is just what they did, and she leaned into it because that was God's calling for her life. Um, but I imagine it took her a minute to get there.

Tessah 6:46

Oh gosh, yeah, that's hard. That's a lot, that's a lot, yeah, you know, and yeah, I I totally feel I feel for people who do that. I tell Lyle the time. Um I'm I'm like, if God would have to come down from heaven and tell you to be a football coach, because that's one thing that they like knock on wood or something. But like I am like that because he was in call like because he played college football, we were really close with a lot of the coaches, and I felt for them so much because they are there all year long, always on, always, I mean, working over like over and over and over again. They're away from their family, they're traveling. It's a heavy, like yeah, heavy load to carry.

Courtney 7:23

So, like if you're a coach's wife and you're listening to this today, like maybe this can resonate, you know. Um, I think about women who maybe needed protection from someone in their life and maybe they let them down or they betrayed them or a season of waiting. You know, I was 34 before I got married. Um, I waited a long time.

Tessah 7:42

Yeah.

Courtney 7:42

And watched other people get married and get to have families and have lives. And what about me? When is my time coming? You know. Um, I think that there are probably people listening who've struggled with infertility.

SPEAKER_03 7:55

Yeah, for sure.

Courtney 7:56

Um, and had, you know, like just the heaviness of empty arms and the longing that that that comes with that. Yeah, I think that there are people who have taken control of situations um and made life harder sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

Yeah.

Courtney 8:16

You know, complicated things when we thought we were solving things. I'm really good at complicating things and thinking I'm solving them. Me too. Um, but Sarah has that in her story, you know. Um, she is did you know I read this this wink that she is talked about per this source I read. So I don't, you know, everything you read on. Yeah. Um that she actually Sarah is talked about more in the Bible than Mary Jesus' mother.

Tessah 8:46

Um I think she's mentioned that yeah.

Courtney 8:48

Yeah, yeah.

Tessah 8:49

She's like in the hall of like hall of fame.

Courtney 8:51

She is known as the mother of faith, yeah. Right. You know. Um, and I think that we can't have this conversation if we don't recognize that she's known as the mother of faith. Yeah. But what was her complex as a good girl? Unbelief. Yeah. Because good girls don't struggle with doubt in God.

Tessah 9:08

Yeah.

Courtney 9:09

Right? Isn't that what we think? Isn't that what we believe?

Tessah 9:11

Yeah. Or it's so bad too. Like you cannot.

Courtney 9:14

Yeah, I can't say that out loud. No. They're shaming that. I could never say that God may not, that I might think God won't do what I want him to do or his will for me, or I may begin to doubt him.

Tessah 9:23

Yeah, or he might not show up when I need him to, or how in the way that I want him to show up. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So going into that, when you hear her story, will you tell a little bit of it?

Sarah’s Story And Taking Control

Tessah 9:35

I love it when you do this. Yeah, okay. Well, I forgot my Bible again. This is so bad. You don't need it, it's all in your brain. Oh, I know. I've read it so many times. This is just give us the Tessa version. This is the Tessa version, Cliff Notes, Spark Notes, whatever the kids use nowadays. Probably it would be Chad G BT. Probably Chad G B T. Um, which could be, you know, maybe half true and half untrue. But go read the scripture for yourself. It is Genesis. I want to say it starts in maybe Genesis 11 or 12 in that area. But basically, long story short, we get to we get to talk about Sarah because God calls Abraham to go into the land in which, basically go into the land in which I will give you. So when we even break open the Genesis story, ultimately God has a place for his people and a purpose for his people. Um, and Abraham is a huge part of that foundation. So we start and we start seeing that God calls Abraham to go and basically be a soldier and go into this land in which I will show you. And he takes Abraham takes his wife and his uh nephew Lot, who also has an interesting story, you should go read it. Um and uh anyways, they basically start traveling, and he comes up into the land that the Canaanites still own, or basically are ruling, and God goes, you know, I will I'm gonna give you this land, but not yet. And so, like uh they basically are travelers and doing all these different things. Um, and then we actually get into Sarah's story, more of learning a little bit more about Sarah when we get a little bit later into Genesis and see her story of her and Hagar. Um, and we'll get into Hagar next week. I love the story Hagar. I think I was just ready to skip to Hagar. You are you're antsy, I wasn't talking about Sarah. Simmer down, simmer down. Um and so a lot of Sarah's history is also, you know, Abraham. I think when God called him, he was like 75 years old. And I think if I know do am doing math right, I'm not a math person. But he I think Sarah's about 10 years younger than him. So she was 65, you know, and they also have no children, which is a huge like in the culture of that day, that is uh that would be perceived as a failure as a woman. 100%, like no kids at all, especially no sons, like they have a shame, so much shame uh around that. And I'd in the same promise that God gives Abraham, he says, I'm gonna bless you and many nations are gonna come from you. And so all of it was all in this promise of this covenant. Right. And so he's like, You're gonna have all these descendants, and they don't have kids yet. And so like they've struggled with sure, right? And so there's a lot of faith in this story, but there also is a lot of doubt um that we see show up in a variety of different ways throughout their story. But specifically, when we start talking about Sarah, we see that she desperately wants to solve the problem. She she wants to be the hero of the story.

Courtney 12:26

Well, and and even like even in some of the instances, like they go into Egypt and her husband's like, Hey, this is my sister, which is a half-truth, you know. Hey, this is my sister because he didn't want to be killed because she was beautiful. Yeah, so she's wealthy and she's beautiful, yeah. And she's lived in this world where she can pretty much have what she needs until they're wanderers, yeah, and they're moving.

Tessah 12:47

Oh, still have kids.

Courtney 12:48

Yeah, and then my husband says, I'm your sister. Yeah, like what?

Tessah 12:52

He actually does that multiple times twice, which is crazy because basically Abraham's trying to save his own um but took it most, yeah. Yeah, he's trying to save himself, and he knows that like if he brings Sarah, his beautiful wife, into these areas, into Egypt, into these different places, they're just gonna kill him and take her as their wife, which instead of trusting God, instead of trusting God, he just kind of does his own thing. He's like, Well, there's a thing in here. Yeah, there's my sister, yeah. And uh again, like I think it's like his half-sister or something. I don't know, Old Testament's weird. Um, and so they have they were trying to populate the earth, okay? Right, you know, yeah, you know, and they they were doing the best they could. And so, um, anyway, so Sarah already has some there you could say there's some trust issues probably in this relationship because like what is what are the things that are happening? And so um we kind of get to this place in her story though, where she kind of starts to um, and this is I feel like one of what Sarah's really known for a lot, but also it's cool that she's also known as Mother of Faith. So God does redeem a lot of the things that decisions that she makes.

Courtney 13:59

Well, and your bad decisions can't thwart God's will. Correct. Because he's gonna have his will regardless. We don't have to earn it, and that's the thing we really got anyway. Sorry, I'm jumping.

Tessah 14:07

Yes, you're good. Um, but from that story, I know definitely go back and read that yourself. It's such a good story. Um, what part of her story do you immediately relate to after you're reading through it this week?

Courtney 14:20

Let me do it myself. Um I think that I've spent a lot of time. Um, like I said, I was 34 when I got married. I'm pretty independent. Yeah. Um and I trust myself, and I literally had this conversation earlier today. Um, I trust myself so much that I sometimes work ahead of God or I try to solve things for him.

SPEAKER_03 14:46

Yeah.

Courtney 14:46

Um even even like making decisions like she makes, yeah, you know, to give her handmaid to her husband. So because she's re she's tired of waiting on God's promise. Yeah. And okay, well, here it is. You said it, God. You said I'm gonna have one, let's make it happen. Yeah. And I think that so many times I have from like early childhood to where I am at nearly 40, I I let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it. I'll do it. And I'm tired.

Tessah 15:15

Yeah.

Courtney 15:15

What about you? Yeah. What do you relate?

Tessah 15:17

I don't know. I feel like I've read it so much. I'm trying to like pick the piece in which I can definitely relate to what you even said, like just trying to take control of the narrative. Um, or like feel like, okay, I'm gonna help you, God. I'm gonna help you move this along. Yeah, right. You need me to do these things, or um, and then also uh later on in her story, um I like after just rereading like how she like God meets her again, or like talks about the promise, like, you know, this is actually gonna happen. Like, God reiterates this promise over and over again in the story. It's really clear. He doesn't deviate. No, he's like, he's saying over again, like, you're gonna you're there are gonna be many nations that come from you, you're gonna have many descendants, there are gonna be kings that come from you. And he's talking about Abraham and Sarah specifically. And uh there's a point where basically uh God visits them, and like Sarah's in this tent, and she like overhears like you know, God basically saying, you know, in a year from now Sarah will have a son, and she laughs, and I'm like, Wow, how many times have I heard or like felt like I heard something from the Lord, or you know, like even had someone speak something to me, and I'm like, that's hilarious. Well, you know, because that doesn't seem like that's reality, like that could actually happen.

Courtney 16:30

Well, and she's not like she's laughing from like a pfft, yeah, right. Right, you know, um, and I think that you know, like in the therapy world we call that intellectualizing. Um, I don't feel my feelings if I make them intellectual, you know. It's like how would a woman of my age is what she says, you know. Yeah, how would a woman of my age um have a child? Yeah and she is she's taken the science that she knows and she's comparing it with what she thinks that God will do.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

Yeah.

Courtney 16:55

Um and she ends up wildly um awestruck in God's faithfulness to her uh in her crisis of faith and how he restores it.

Tessah 17:06

Yeah. Yeah. Uh there's so many different parts of the story that I think so many, especially looking at it through a good girl complex lens, is this um part of its control, wanting to control the narrative, but also a lot of insecurity there, you know? Absolutely.

Courtney 17:24

And well, and I think that like we're not supposed to say, I don't believe that you're gonna do what you said you're gonna do, God. Like saying that out loud, even though obviously she thought it. Yeah, you know, um her actions definitely smoke it. Absolutely, you know. I think that as good girls, you know, especially like if you've been raised in church um most of your life and you have been, you know, like we're preachers, grandkids, like we we know what we know I'm air quoting what you're supposed to do.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Yeah.

Courtney 17:54

Um but you would never in a million years say out loud anything that reflected that your heart was struggling with faith. Yeah. And I think that it the hingepin of what she struggles with is she's named the mother of faith, but she doesn't get to be the mother of faith without having a crisis of faith.

Tessah 18:12

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. She had to go through it in order to absolutely become it for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of pruning there.

Courtney 18:18

Well, and faith isn't about n fault faith isn't about never having a faith crisis. Faith is about being willing to grow your faith. Right, yeah. It's about the letting God cultivate it. Yeah. It's not about having a perfect faith standard, yeah, you know, from the time you hit the sheets and I've never doubted God. That's not real. You sound like a Pharisee.

Tessah 18:40

Yeah, exactly. And I think like what's so cool about having a relationship with the Lord is that you can bring him your doubt. Yeah. You know, you can say, God, I don't know how you're gonna show up right now. Or I don't, I don't feel like you're good in this moment. Why do like and to bring those feelings and those emotions and those real questions to him, like he's not too he's not too far away or too dist. I feel like that's when we start to like picture God as this distant, judgy, you know, has ready to bring the hammer down type God, and he's not, he's so relational, he's in he's in the midst of everything and all the things that we are. He's seeking intimacy with us.

Courtney 19:20

Yes, yeah, we're we just we are mostly denying it. Yeah, but he's seeking it, yeah.

Tessah 19:25

Yeah, and I I mean we see that so much in the story of Sarah, even in her faults, even when she's struggling to in the things of like in this good girl complex, she's struggling with control and with shame and acting, obviously taking action out of her shame in order to you know help God.

Courtney 19:46

Not the best version of herself, no, she has some really low, questionable moments where I think that like as a young girl reading this and like as like a woman, like find myself like in this judgment space. I do this a lot with the old testament, and I don't know why. And I think that probably most people do. Yeah, oh god, I would never do that. Yeah, liar. I do that now, you know.

Tessah 20:08

Um it's I mean, thankful my whole life is not out for show. Like the Israelites the old testament. They were really gotta really put it out there, like, yeah, this is all I did.

Courtney 20:18

Yes, and and I think about like, you know, even from like the perspective of, hey, I'm worried about and I want to make sure that Merritt grows up to be like a strong and healthy man who loves the Lord. Yeah, I have a responsibility in that, but I also have to trust that God's gonna bring things to him that prune him to be a man who loves the Lord and is strong and healthy in the Lord. Yeah, um, because he's not gonna wake up like that.

Tessah 20:45

Yeah, yeah, that's so true. Um what uh do you feel like it does to a person when they feel like a passenger in their own life and feel out of

Feeling Like A Passenger In Life

Tessah 20:56

control? Yeah. What does that look like? Because that was a lot of Sarah's story.

Courtney 20:58

Yeah, you know, yeah, she um doesn't have a lot of say in a lot of the things that are she doesn't get a say the two times that she's passed off as a sister. Yeah, um, she doesn't get a say in moving, she doesn't get a say in, you know, hey, I want a baby, and her arms are empty for a long time.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Yeah.

Courtney 21:16

Um she doesn't get a say in how other people treat her. Yeah, she she has to watch a lot of things and live through them. And I think that at some point that probably pushed her into a place where forget it, I'll do it myself.

SPEAKER_03 21:32

Yeah.

Courtney 21:32

Um have you ever been in like a oh yeah, a passenger situation?

Tessah 21:37

Yeah, I'm trying to think of that. I feel like when we I wouldn't I don't I don't know if it's exactly it's very similar, I feel like, to Abraham Sayer's story, not obviously the same, but like when we were about to get married, I'm sure you know this story. But me and Y had just gotten engaged January of 2021, and that we had planned to move back home to our hometown. We were he was gonna farm. It's like his lifelong dream and like he grew up on a family farm he was gonna we was literally were about to like go buy house I was offered to buy a bit like purchase a boutique there and like start running it it was like felt like all these things were like falling into place it sounded like God's will yeah yeah and so like we and me and why had always prayed like God if it's not your will like just shut the door in our face and sure enough a month after we got engaged and started kind of planning okay this is what we're gonna do da da da da the door was shut in our face and his family there was a lot of things that happened they had to get out of farming they had to sell everything other than like they're basically their house um and it was like the craziest season of my life but I felt like at the same time I was so out of control of everything and I'm so much of a like solutions person of like okay like what if we do this or like what if you do that and like what kind of legal stuff can you do in this situation? Like and like I want to solve all the problems right and so I felt very much like a responsible responsible but also like uh I was on the sidelines and I was watching like just a really bad fight you know like I was just like oh my gosh like this is this is terrible but at the same time like 2020 hindsight too like I also felt like this crazy peace in the midst of it of like okay God like we really you want us to be here like you want us to be in Jonesboro. We were so drawn to our church um and just to be plugged in there and really didn't even know like have a reason you know it was just like we just felt so drawn to it. Yeah and it just it has all worked out in like so many cool ways.

Courtney 23:32

Do you think that that sometimes we pray for God to close doors but we think we label the doors we want him to close yeah you know like I'm gonna I'll know because you'll shut this door.

Tessah 23:42

Yeah.

Courtney 23:42

And then sometimes a door closes and we have to be willing oh I didn't know that was a door.

Tessah 23:47

Yeah.

Courtney 23:47

I didn't know that that was a way that he was gonna let me know.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Yeah.

Courtney 23:52

Or I didn't you know like hey boutique opens up right so like that feels like an open door but also like an open door is like hey you love your church. Yeah. You know like yeah we love John Sparrow. Yeah um sometimes we're looking for big loud things that God does and so he he he he has the power to be a big and loud God. Yeah but sometimes he is quiet because we have to get still to hear him.

Tessah 24:17

Yep yeah that's so true. I I can definitely testify that to that in my life like I think that's a huge part of my testimony too and just being able to be still enough to listen I think is a huge part of that as well.

Courtney 24:34

Have you ever felt like that passenger yeah absolutely absolutely um I think about um when Merritt was born and you know like we had a really uh tough I had a tough time having him um and had a pretty significant scary like postpartum hemorrhage. Yeah um and then he was early and air flighted to Arkansas Children's hospital um and he is lung collapsed when he got there and like there is nothing I mean there probably is that's a big statement but in in my experience to that point I had never felt more helpless. Um it's funny I had this conversation today too I never felt more helpless than I was not physically able because I couldn't walk like I would pass out because I'd lost so much blood. Yeah um I wasn't physically able to be mom like I wanted to be um and he wasn't physically able to be son yeah and baby because a we were in two separate locations yeah um and I mean like I think he was like seven days old before we ever held him wow that's crazy yeah that's a like that's probably like a thousand years in newborn yeah you know that that's so long and just watching and hoping that you know I really need for things to turn a corner here.

Tessah 25:51

Yeah and I like I mentioned earlier I feel like Sarah probably in her season felt honestly probably believed the lie that she was helpless and worthless and I'm sure that was a lie the the devil was speaking to her. I mean can you imagine like how heavy the enemy's hand was probably on them knowing that God had a covenant with Abraham knowing that he had specific direction and specific plans for him to be the father and the mother of this amazing nation in this lineage that would bring about the Messiah like that's a huge that's a heavy does it get bigger than that you're right yeah I mean that's a heavy um calling

When Control Creates Lasting Fallout

Tessah 26:30

to walk in and so like I can imagine that uh the devil's all over them um you know and the enemy was attacking them in that way too and that they were probably believing lies. Um what's crazy to me too is that we see um again Abraham acts in a lot of ways like his great great great great great grandfather like you know grandfather Adam you know like how many greats that was um because we see Sarah when she's passing off basically saying okay here's my maidservant Hagar you have a baby with her and then that will be our child of the promise inheritance um and he doesn't and he goes okay all right that's a great idea like no question test and so I think that's crazy too because we see um again this like repetitive passivity of like Abraham you didn't think the question like man we probably shouldn't do this so you're not with the making the decision I'm your sister and pissing me off yeah but you're okay with with having a baby another person. Yeah isn't that crazy um knowing that like God and actually like when you start to study the lineage of Ishmael all of his descendants are at war with Israel because he never it was never got a part of God's plan. Right yeah so he can't bless it. Yeah and he he well actually he does say he will does he say he blesses Ishmael I think he does actually bless Ishmael but he says he'll be a wild donkey of a man his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him. So there's like a a blessing there but at the same time I don't know is there a blessing I'll have to look at that. I I I I get what you're saying. Yeah I think there's that the they he still has favor yes in a way but it's not the same as I think nobody needs to be at war no all the time. Or everyone against you like that's your life like that's not fun. And so um but because that Ishmael was from Hagar but also from Abraham like Abraham obviously was like you know he God had specific plans for him and so like it's crazy though because like that decision caused wars upon wars. We actually see still see war of the descendants of Ishmael against Israel today. Like that's how bad these repercussions were of this decision that Sarah made.

Courtney 28:50

Yep um and so it's a heavy one but God still redeems that he not only redeems it like when when Sarah is in the tent and she does it I don't sarcastic laughter maybe it's like this laughter of them it's not like this ha ha ha you're so funny. It's like this huh whatever you know like it's a it's a and and and God says to her and so I think this is this is the message right like God says to her is there anything that's too big for God is there anything that's too big for him because she's intellectualizing that's not possible let me tell you how that's not gonna work so now her unbel her her subconscious unbelief is manifesting into words and she is essentially I mean like there's a rejection even like I'm gonna go as far as to say that a rejection of God's promise of yeah right how is that gonna happen you know um in a year from now and I'm 90 years old and God says he does again we see him in the intimacy and reaching out and he didn't what are you talking about?

Tessah 29:55

He says to her is there anything that's too big for me yeah yeah I love that and he and we talked about this last week but talking about like what how does God respond when his God's response is crucial to the good girl complex. It is yeah yeah even the lies we believe the action we take the things that we the things that we believe so much to our core or even the shame and the guilt that we're carrying when we like line that up with the with scripture with who who God is his character what he says which like well how does that mirror up like how does that line up does it you know if it doesn't is that true you know or is that something that we're believing because someone told us that or it's just a narrative that we've had for long comfortable to believe in myself yeah and you know like I'm circling back to the piece of because I think it's really important you know like with Eve we talked about how sin brought shame and she hid from God and the good girl complex manifests in I need to hide you can't see me and the things that I've done wrong.

Courtney 30:56

Yeah we don't see that necessarily with Sarah we see I mean like does she tell God oh no I wasn't laughing like a why does that make me heargy girl right yeah we heard the laugh we don't see the hiding um we see her internal battle exist so long in that struggle of I need to create this seat at the table for myself um this disbelief in what God can do in my life we see her battle that so long internally that it it finally comes out yeah and I don't think that there I imagine there are women who are listening even men listening to this now that you have an unbelief about a promise that God a promise that God not a promise that we want for ourselves a promise that God has made to us um and we are denying how he can show up in that moment for us. And then we do silly things like Sarah does and I think that we tie back into the good girl complex of like oh I've screwed it up for myself. Like how many times have you thought that you could screw up what God's plans were for you.

Tessah 32:07

Yeah all the time.

Courtney 32:08

I don't deserve it anymore. And then that becomes the narrative you know I sinned I don't deserve it anymore.

Tessah 32:13

Right. It just feels well I never deserved it to begin with. Right. And it feels easier to like we can throw in the towel or like that we can screw up so bad that we mess up God's will for us. Yeah. Or God's will in general or we give him permission to give up on us. Oh yeah because we gave up on ourselves. Yeah I'm so thankful. Yeah I'm so thankful he doesn't give up on us even when we give up on even when we sometimes give up on him and like his goodness and like we we have doubt and we question it and we have seasons of like where where are you God? Are you listening? Why are you like why do you feel silent? Why do you feel distant? I'm sure God felt so distant to Sarah no and a lot of the things that he was promising and you know making a covenant was with Abraham and so like passenger. Right and so was Abraham how much of that did he share with Sarah you know and so like was well and how what was her trust in Abraham yeah right yeah obviously questionable had some had some things there.

Courtney 33:08

You know there was there was a little trash on the floor.

Tessah 33:10

Yeah yeah he made some he made some mistakes for sure for sure um and so I I can see that like the God felt more distant and his promises felt not as secure that felt is the key word because feelings are never facts. Correct yes and so like but she stepped into those and ultimately made decisions out of those feelings and um how does God redeem her how does one get redeemed in having your handmaid become a surrogate because you are you were wanting God's timeline to move faster. Yeah and how does God redeem someone who laughs at him you know yeah um and then what what is how does how what's that redemption look like I think what's important to note is that and we talked a little bit about this in the last episode but that our works and what we do doesn't like measure up to like God is still faithful regardless of how we show up what

God’s Covenant Grace Over Works

Tessah 34:25

we do. I mean it even shows in like in the story Abraham's covenant go read the covenant like God literally basically says when he makes the covenant with Abraham if you do not like actually in a covenant I have to share this because it makes it just answers the question but like in the covenant that he made with Abraham he basically did does this covenant it's very traditional in back in the Old Testament times where they would basically have these dead animals on the side of the road and like the person one of the people like if me and you Courtney were making a covenant together you would in order to say like I am not going to break this vow I'm gonna walk between these dead animals basically and you would walk through it and then I would walk through it basically saying that like if I break this vow or you break this vow let this happen to me. And so what's so cool about what God does is he puts Abraham to sleep. So like Abraham actually doesn't have the opportunity to perform his part of the covenant and God actually does both. And so isn't that cool yeah morning I didn't know that again it's so cool. You definitely should go home and read it and then just like do some commentary on it. It's actually so cool because that actually does happen. Like God actually does pour out his self for us in the New Testament. He comes as a man and Jesus dies for us. Yeah and so and obviously Abraham the Israelites we see them they do not keep their end of the promise they they screw up they have to go into exile because they keep screwing up they don't get going to the promised land because they keep screwing up generations of screwing up yes right and we are we are you know obviously we're not Jews but at the same time we are people who continuously screw up and we see that in Sarah's story. We see that she's made a lot of mistakes but God is still faithful. He is still who he says he is and he still does what he says he will do regardless of what she has done.

Courtney 36:10

And that's disgrace do you think she got to like a space where she's like I don't know this is just like me like thinking like you know like in my therapist brain because that's what like therapists think about how would I feel if I was in that situation you know so like I've done these things I have hijacked God's plan to make it be what I needed it to be. I've steamrolled out in front of it and imagining how I would feel in that situation I at what point do you think she has a surrender? Oof for her to be the mother of faith and like we didn't talk about this so I just threw this question at you.

Tessah 36:49

So but for her to be the mother of faith there was a moment yep do you think it was when she held Isaac I think so I feel like I feel like it wasn't real for her until she lived it. And I think sometimes we are the same way. Like we is it gonna happen for us? Is this gonna happen to me? And it's easy to lose hope until you're living in the reality of that promise fulfilled and I think that's a lot of Sarah's story. I think she um yeah she I I'm sure like we can see that like her faith was probably like okay God you did it. I I I can I can find some physical trust in you now and I yeah.

Courtney 37:27

And the reason that I that I was thinking about that is because I know like the things that I struggle with like the sin that I struggle with like just the brokenness that I struggle with. That's something that re-emerges in my life every day. Yeah. And so I imagine that you know she hears the promises of God she sees these things that are coming to fruition she hears them but because you know she's she's a good girl you know and we don't have doubt yeah she's that that's gonna come up every day.

unknown 37:54

Yeah.

Courtney 37:54

Like internally or whether she says it out loud that I have struggles that still come up every day. And so I imagine that the doubt wasn't put to bed until it was done.

Tessah 38:08

Yeah yeah and it gets even crazier towards the end of Abraham's life because I think Sarah is still alive at this point but you know Abraham God tells Abraham go up on a mountain take your son and sacrifice Isaac so obviously I have a feeling that Sarah was not a part of that conversation because I would I obviously as a mother I'd be like hold up Lord hold up let's let's backtrack here like what's going on which obviously as you get to the end of that story God provides a sacrifice and it's actually yes it's about it's actually this beautiful picture of what he does for us through Jesus um and it's it's really cool. So if you never read their story at all like go to Genesis and read through the story of Abraham it's so encouraging.

Courtney 38:51

It's super relatable so relatable is so relatable and especially if you let it be yes yeah yeah put yourself in their shoes you know and and see how that applies to you and and even like ask like what does this teach me about who God is you know because you do learn so much about God's character in that story too um I think my favorite thing you know good girl complex her struggle with doubt and God's redemption the way that he she is the mother of faith right yeah I think that one of my favorite pieces in that and maybe it's just because I recognize this within myself she can't thwart it. God doesn't change his mind because she screwed up and she can't do anything to prove otherwise that she's worth that like her story takes off the works piece from the table. Yeah like if we really look at it and we take a step back I think that we can see a woman who struggled and didn't have a say in things and people made decisions for her and decisions that impacted her and she desperately longed and wanted for something and wanted to believe the Lord would give it to her and waited for so long that she grew tired of waiting and handled it herself and then just royally sank it.

Tessah 40:15

Yeah.

Courtney 40:16

And did she have to she still had consequences of her sin. Yeah right yeah but God didn't forget his promise and those are two two separate things. Yeah you know he didn't he didn't change his mind he didn't deviate he stayed the same God that he was the day that he made the promise the first time all those years later with all the water under the bridge. He didn't change he didn't deviate.

Tessah 40:40

Yeah she did though and aren't we glad she did yeah yeah and I think too um I think what you said at the beginning of that is such a it should be such a good good news for those who struggle with the good girl complex is that like even when we screw it up you know even when we feel like oh I'm too far gone for God to fix this or if I'm too um you know I'm too messed up or I'm not worthy enough like I doubted God. Yeah I doubted God I made this huge mistake that God still shows up and loves us and like still wants us to run to him.

Courtney 41:13

Still chooses us.

Tessah 41:14

Yeah and I think that's can be a big you should be able to take a big sigh of relief to know like oh wow like I have a God that loves me and wants the best for me even when I sometimes choose things that aren't the best thing for myself you know and the best thing for my life and we can always run back to him. Never stops pursuing us. Yeah and I think that's good news to anybody that's walking in or has struggled with or is working through this good girl complex and can see themselves in Sarah's story is that even in on her worst day like God is still good and he's still faithful and he still shows up and he still fulfills his promise and we see it in the old testament you see it over and over again you see it in the new testament over and over again we see it in our lives over and over again we just sometimes are not looking for it or we're not conveniently blinded to it.

Courtney 42:07

Yeah. Because no one wants to say out loud that they didn't believe that God was going to do something. I had a really hard struggle one time and one of my spiritual mentors reminded me that even in like the New Testament the father whose whose son had had passed or was very sick that's what it was he was very sick and he he specifically says help my unbelief yeah the centurion. Yeah that's it yeah help my help my I don't recall quick like that I do feelings much better. I love I love stories.

Tessah 42:37

I like my favorite yeah I love that yeah I love that you do and that's why I'm always like hey Tessa like I know how I feel when I read it but like my recall of it is just not it's a centurion and uh he says like God even if you say right now that he's healed it will be so and then Jesus looks at him and says it's it's happened. It's done. Yeah and it's like your faith has healed him and like and so that's yeah it's such one of one of the cool stories I think in the Miracles didn't even have to be near him. No yeah yeah and the faith to and and that takes that takes a lot of faith and a lot of I think um I'll honestly like unlearning doubt like or unlearning maybe a lie that you've believed for a long time in order to have faith like that.

What Faith Feels Like Day-To-Day

Courtney 43:25

Okay so this is this is I'm thinking of faith and like I think that sometimes people don't know what that feels like. Yeah I think that we intellectually try to make ourselves get there but I think that like it's a whole body experience of what faith feels like faith in God. Yeah and what is when do you know you're walking in faith and not by sight.

Tessah 43:47

Yeah it's a good question. I actually was talking to somebody about this the other day um and specifically with uh I'll just give an example like job opportunities like there have been many times the bright Shiny things have been put in front of me, and I obviously I think too like prayer and fasting is like a huge part of my walk with the Lord, and I didn't really I feel like for the first decade or more than of my Christian life, I didn't really practice fasting, and once I started to do that, I was like, wow, this is so impactful. Um, but I feel like there have been many times in my life, whether like for jobs specifically or like opportunities where it's bright and shiny, and it's like seems like oh, I'd be perfect for this position, and in like prayer and just allowing God to actually like speak to me and also seeking wise counsel too. But on the faith piece of it, it's like I just I also lean into like, do I have peace about this? And it's almost like this internal Holy Spirit filled peace or no or not peace, you know, of like and also just like there's no in between either.

Courtney 44:58

I'm I'm rested in it, yeah, and I know it, yeah, and it's sure. Yeah, and I couldn't even even if I try to bring it back up in my in my conscious and think, oh, I need something to worry about, let me worry about this. And I rehearse this in my head. Yeah, and it's almost like it's like this shh like it's this reminder of that's silly, that's a waste of time.

SPEAKER_03 45:22

Yeah.

Courtney 45:23

Um, and then again I'll try to bring it back up and because I'm used to managing things for myself.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

Yeah.

Courtney 45:30

I think that that's the difference in and and it matches scripturally with like peace that surpasses the understanding.

SPEAKER_03 45:37

Yeah.

Courtney 45:37

Like it doesn't make sense why I feel peace about it. So my world can be in total and complete chaos and I'm okay.

Tessah 45:44

Yeah.

unknown 45:44

Yeah.

Courtney 45:45

And then that's how I know that I'm walking in faith.

Tessah 45:47

100%. Or I like in the going off of that, like there's sometimes like I will things will happen, and I'll just know, like, have knowing it's God's will. Cause I used to, and I'm not saying I still don't do this sometimes, but like when I would get information or like be told something, and it was something that's out of left field, it was very unpredictable, it was like crazy news. I would like spiral chaotically. Okay, how do I fix this? How do I solve it?

Courtney 46:14

How do I think about the 15 ways that that might happen? And let me see how many I can control.

Tessah 46:18

Yeah, right.

Courtney 46:19

When in reality, the conversation, a healthy conversation with myself, Holy Spirit led, yeah, is it doesn't matter the 15 ways, the 25 ways that this can go wrong. Right. God's gonna see it through.

Tessah 46:33

And I think it's it takes that type of faith to, if God has called you to something, is stay like sitting in it, even if it doesn't make sense. You know, even if you question it. Even if it's yeah, even if people are like, you're delusional, that's crazy. Why would you turn that down? Why would you do this? Why would you do that? Why would you not do that? Um, a lot of times I feel like the biggest faith pieces of my life feel delusional.

Courtney 46:58

You know, like make sense, don't make sense to it.

Tessah 47:01

Don't make any sense, or sometimes like God calls me to do stuff, like send a really specific text or word to somebody, and I'm like, I don't know why the Lord told me to say this, but here you go. And then like a few days later, it's like I that's exactly how did you know that's exactly what I need? And so it's like we have to, and the way that we, you know, grow in our faith is abiding to Christ and abiding into his word. He tells us that in John 15. It's you know, abide in me.

Courtney 47:27

And gotta argue with him about it. Yeah, yeah. I heard a kid say that one time. You don't argue with God, and I was like, Ain't that the truth? Yeah, yeah. I mean it's never got me, I mean you can, but it's never benefited. It's never, I mean, yeah. No, and and then you know, it's like I don't know. I just I think that pulls me back to Sarah, yeah. And how is that gonna happen? Yeah, is there anything too big for the Lord? If the Lord has a will in your life, there is not anything that can thwart it. Yeah, you can prolong it, yeah, you can push it, you can have walk through consequences of sin and still have God's will in your life, and his will will be filled. I'm not saying that struggles aren't gonna come.

Tessah 48:11

Yeah, they will.

Courtney 48:12

They will, storms are coming and they will, they will, where's your house forever? Where's your house built? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and so I think that Sarah Sarah is the really perfect example of this is what it looks like to to kind of call out and say, Hey God, like I I'm gonna do this. Yeah, and I think that sometimes we've talked about just like we've talked about our story so much um in growing up and and all the things that we get numb to the the premise and the promise that we see out of it.

SPEAKER_03 48:44

Yeah.

Courtney 48:44

Um we all have doubted God on some level at some point in our life. And I think that we we owe it to our ability to grow in faith and for the Holy Spirit to grow us to ask ourselves, how am I doubting, what am I doubting in the Lord right now? How am I being a barrier to his will for my life? Um, and I think that we also have to note how do I think that I have to earn his favor. Yeah, because we don't want to ever earn it.

Tessah 49:19

Mm-hmm. Yep, that's so good. I mean, even in like we see to wrap this up, in the story of Abraham and Sarah, God just chose them. You know, it was in his will to choose them, and like they really weren't doing anything special. You know, like they were just living their life. They were 75, 65 years old, yeah, had some sheep. Yeah, you know, and God calls them out and blesses them and makes them the foundation of his nation and continues to use their life and their lineage to bless all the people of the earth. Now, like we are blessed because of what they what they did. Yeah. And so that's

Next Week On Hagar And Connect

Tessah 50:00

so good. Next week we're gonna talk about who we're gonna talk about, Courtney.

SPEAKER_03 50:04

Hagar. Hagar.

Courtney 50:06

I I don't uh maybe I can spend some time thinking about like what my obsession is with I think I have an idea. Um that my obsession, because like it's I don't I don't think I relate to her, but maybe I do. I don't know.

Tessah 50:23

There's a lot of pieces to her story that sometimes we overlook because we're so in shock of what Sarah did, you know, or like we sometimes see her story, we're like, okay, like this happened, we're reading the story and the narrative, okay, what's next? And sometimes we skip over her in a way that we don't need to, you know, and she's like and I won't get into it too much because we can just sit here and talk about Haygarten things. But um, I'm excited to dive into her story, but also to see how maybe she had what part of the good girl complex does she embody? Yeah, and even like how Sarah's good girl good girl complex affected her.

Courtney 50:58

Yeah, well, and I I think that we I don't know, like I'm just thinking of like themes. Like, are we gonna see some re-emergence of like hiding or what it what it what because that's you know, we're just gonna keep building.

SPEAKER_03 51:09

Yeah.

Courtney 51:10

And I think that like it's important to keep in mind that like as we're talking about some of these themes with the good girl complexes, it is not meant to be a shame piece, it is meant to be um a universality piece. So, like, hey, I'm not different than other people, and I'm not the only one that struggles with it, right? And let those walls of shame really fall. Right. Because I think that at this point we can think of a time that we've hidden from God.

SPEAKER_03 51:35

Yeah.

Courtney 51:35

I can list you three or four right now.

SPEAKER_03 51:37

Yeah.

Courtney 51:38

Um doubting God. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that we can think of moments where we've doubted God and been like, where are you? I'll do this myself. Yeah, you know, and so I can't wait for next week to see to see what that reveals.

Tessah 51:51

Yeah, it'll be good. Well, we will see you on next week's episode. If you have any questions, feel free to send us a message on our Instagram or on our Facebook. Our Instagram page is Table of Grace, and our Facebook is the Table of Grace podcast. We would love to see you over on those pages. We do little snippets and previews of episodes on there so you can kind of see them a little bit before the air. Um, but we'd love to engage with you guys on that. And if you find this episode encouraging or relatable or anything, feel free to share it with a friend. Um, I'm sure they would find some kind of encouragement or maybe even a good laugh. And just being Courtney talking about this the pet detergent. And the pet detergent. Yeah. I hope that y'all can relate to mom. Yeah, my mom probably next week. Yeah, you should. Yeah, that'll be good. Well, we will see you guys next week and talk to you later. Thanks.